the imagery of death

Last evening, after telling my brother she was tired and he should leave so that she could sleep - my mother had her caregiver call him back to the house.
When he returned - she confessed to killing some rabbits. I am unclear whether these were the same rabbits I had removed the other day.

Perhaps we are seeing a pattern here.
While my brother is disturbed by the behaviour, I rather think she is trying to tell us something ... muddled through her dementia.

We are familiar with the usual apparitions of those approaching death.
They may see previously deceased loved ones - even pets. Angels may appear to them. Or they may relive parts of their past or childhood.

We have experienced many of these over the last several weeks.

My mother asking her granddaughter if she had any confessions to Papa, who was there with her ('Papa', my mothers 3rd and 4th husband (a story for another time) died in 2001 of pancreatic cancer under my mothers care).
Lucy the cat has visited.

This weekend she wanted to jump on her bike and ride into town for some ice cream.
I told her she could go tomorrow ...because it was already too close to dark.

There have been many references to riding a bus. At first it was the sensation of climbing stairs. Then it became apparent the stairs led to a bus. She didn't really want to be on the bus - and so has gotten off each time. Is the bus her way of getting to the 'next place'? Why does she keep getting off? Is there unfinished business?

She has spoken of sleeping in a tree. The most comfortable tree you could imagine and no matter which way you tossed and turned it was delightfully soft and welcoming.

At one point in her illness she was so uncomfortable with pain and sickness that my spiritual wife and I wished for her peace and comfort.
We decided on a traditional ritual of writing a blessing, wish or prayer on paper and burning it in prayer.

the note reads "stay on the bus, it takes you to the tree." and we added a piece of sage to burn for good energy and space clearing. And yes, that ashtray is from the 80's.

And now...we have the odd fate of these rabbits and horses. Why is she killing them? Why does she need to confess this... first to my wife and I, and then to my brother?
Clearly something is causing distress.
I spent some time with her yesterday afternoon assuring her that we were all fine. That we were all ready. That she was being cared and that she was in no way a burden to any of us.

I am determined to find what is so disturbing. I am hoping to help her find peace.
She told me yesterday that she is not afraid. Well.... except for the Beezores...

horses and rabbits oh my

And yet again we find that just when you think things have smoothed out...

I spent Friday working from mom's spare room again - we are back over there almost full time until we get the aide situation in a steady groove. Changes in schedule or caregivers cause disruptions and disruptions can lead to anxiety.

Mom did not rest at all during the day yesterday. She was very fidgety. She also has developed a strong desire to take off her shirt. We constantly tell her not to ...and she giggles.

When she tried to lay down for a nap she kept sitting up... finally the aide called me in because mom needed to talk about something.

"ok, so what is the procedure?"
"um...the procedure for what, mom."
"for getting rid of all these rabbits"
"ah...well we can just shoosh them away...like this" waving arms to shoosh rabbits.
"no, that's not going to work"
"ok. I have a friend who removes rabbits. he can come with his truck and take them away"
"good! how long will that take?"
"about and hour, it takes about an hour to remove this many rabbits"

Later that afternoon I assured her the rabbits had been removed to a rabbit farm and were settling in nicely. She seemed pleased.

When I left her that evening she was in the capable hands of Inez.
So when the phone rang at 10p.m. we knew.... if Inez is calling - something is wrong.

Inez explain mom had been very agitated for hours over horses, and was unable to rest. I told her we would be right over.
When we got there -Inez had mom in her wheelchair (this is now one of the few places she will sit still and not fidget to the point of falling). We were pleased to see at least she had her shirt on.
She confided in us that she had killed a small horse. That she didn't have a choice because of something the horse had been doing to her. Many of her sentences don't string together so it was hard to really get a handle on the exact nature of the horses death.
It is because hired aides cannot give PRN medications that we were called in to deal with this. My ever-so-patient and soft-spoken wife gloved up and gently rubbed a Haldol gel into mom's wrists. Haldol is an anti-psychotic drug - and the gel makes it work quickly and is less intrusive than trying to get her to take a pill in this state.
We continued to talk to her calmly and sort out the horse issues. As the drug took effect she calmed and became sleepy. Inez was finally able to get her into bed. We were home before midnight. No more calls.

And today ... well today is another day.

...and finally we are caught up

09/06: with the competent aide Inez in place, my giddy-wife and I venture out on Monday - memorial day. We visit a couple friends and drive around in her convertible with the top down. We are delighted. We are rejoicing in our afternoon. We think we may have found a good solution.

09/07: Tuesday has its ups and downs - but in general a very good day. Mom folds laundry with Inez and its the highlight of their day. We are feeling better and better about the live-in aide idea.

09/08: Wednesday - shift change - the proverbial shit hits the fan.
we end up firing two aides that day, now the agency is scrambling to fill in. I do think we had a bad fit with one aide. But mom is paranoid and frightened now and so confused that she can no longer tell reality from her delusions.

While I was covering in between aides I had this conversation with her.
"Mom, what do you think about going to live at a place where there are other people like you, and where you would not be alone and there would be nurses there all the time?"
"You mean ...like a retirement farm?"
"yes!, just like that - there would be other retired people there."
"That would be expensive"
"Nope, its free! You can go whenever you like."
"Well who would feed the horses?"
"Um.. the horse feeders - that's their job"
"But its very expensive to feed horses. And how many horses would there be?"
"Not sure mom, but don't worry - the feeders buy all the horse food."
"Wow! that must be some place! Too bad Madeline isn't alive, she would love it."
(Madeline is a friend who is very much alive.)

We had an aide come in last night to do the overnight and my mother told me that she was trying to twist her. I was there. There was no twisting of any sort. We are beginning to wonder if we can leave her alone with any one.

Today my care-taking-wife is there with mom and her aide. She has been sending me updates throughout the day.
She is still using a walker - but can no longer back up. When you tell her to back up, she goes forward.
When asked today how many children she had she answered "Tuesday"
She keeps trying to take her shirt off.
Phrase of the day "swirly whirly"!

catching up

Things are still moving at break neck pace here - so I am going to speed up my recap by simply hitting the highlights by date. I have gone back through our records and charts to put some of this stuff together. (spelling, grammar punctuation and capitalization be damned).

08/09: we started charting - meds, input/output at times, and sometimes notes from the day.

08/11: she went on Continuous Care for uncontrolled nausea, dizziness and pain management.

08/13: we upped her methadone to 3 times a day (aka. q8)

08/18: we met with a private agency to discuss overnight care. mom sat in on that meeting and had a lucid discussion.

08/19: mom was getting more and more unsteady with the walker (can't remember when she started with the walker exactly) and had a fall with my svelte-wife trying to catch her. they both went down (mom outweighs my wife by 50 lbs). everyone is ok - just scrapes and bruises. luckily our hospice nurse was in the house at the time.

08/23: tucking mom into bed she stops me to ask
"If a fish is nibbling on my blanket and I slap him in the face, will he stop?"
I answered "of course."

08/24: we meet the new night time aides and one starts that night. we spent the night to make sure it all goes ok, hoping we can soon start sleeping at home again.
Somewhere in here we start using a wheelchair.

08/25: Mom vomits in the afternoon. This is particularly bad...because she is vomiting as a result of a bowel obstruction. I am alone with her at the time and luckily have my cell in my pocket. I call hospice and my close-by wife. My quick-wife is there within 10 minutes. The on-call nurse is there within the hour. Mom goes back on Continuous Care.

08/26: Somewhere in here we start Decadron (steroid) as an anti-inflammatory. This improves Mom's physical condition over the next couple days. But she seems rather confused. She is having trouble with the phones and tv remote.
More of her meds are becoming scheduled. she now takes methadone, zofran (for nausea), ativan, decadron /q8; meclizine q/12; and her colace and miralax daily.
(did you know that all opiates and narcotics cause consitpation?..sometimes severe. so that means...that drug addicts are constipated. shame really. they could enjoy their drugs so much more if they paid more attention to bowel health.)

08/28: With round the clock care, and help from all of us we actually get Mom outside of her house for the first time in weeks to watch the motorcycles ride by.
The CT United Ride goes right by her house. This year there were about 2500 motorcycles.
here is mom and her aide waiting in great anticipation.

08/29: Mom is starting to refuse to take medications. She wants to write out her orders, she wants confirmation that we are dispensing the right meds. I walked in this afternoon to find my wife and the hospice aide had moved all the furniture out of the way so mom could fit her wheelchair into the spare room to review her medical records from the past couple months. At the time I got there she was already almost 2 hours late on her meds and sitting at the desk writing out each medication in detail.
I called the agency to arrange for 24/7 care. Its now become too difficult for us to handle. We are burnt out, we've not worked full days in a month and mom is uncomfortable with the amount of personal care we now need to provide.

08/31: Continuous Care stops. Mom is very confused. We are helping her to dial the phone.

09/01: Mom's next door neighbor stops by while my caring-wife is on duty. She's recently had a stroke and can't button her shirt, and is looking for some help.
Gotta love life in the retirement village.

09/02: Mom can no longer differentiate the phone from the remote. She cannot dial numbers even when she is told which number to press. We spent a few long minutes with me saying:
press 2... she presses 2
press 0... she presses 7
ok lets start over.
press 2... she presses 2
press 0... she presses 8
ok lets try again
press 2... she presses 2
press 0... she presses 0
press 3... she presses 7

09/03: She tries to document her meds for the day. She can no longer write.

09/05: Inez comes. She is our first full time aide and will stay from Sunday - Wednesday. Skeptical at first, we grow to love Inez. She clearly has experience with dementia.

...

week 2

Week two is a blur now. It was chaos. We were completely unorganized and not ready for things to change on a day by day basis.
We were writing down meds on scraps of paper and notepads all over the house. Hospice had fedex'ed in a whole bunch of new medications and supplies.

An important point to note and another recurring theme ... Mom is a retired RN.
Each new hospice person that walked into the house would say - ahh so this is the retired RN -- with a knowing glance.
This meant that every new medication was up for discussion and research and plotting and planning.
Initially this was ok. Mom had her reasons and she was lucid and concerned.
But it delayed her getting started on much needed, longer acting pain medications.
The up and down cycle of the percosets is not conducive to long term pain management.

We finally talked her into trying a long term (3 days) low dose (25mg) fentanyl patch for pain. The patch was started on my wife's shift. Mom and she had a good laugh as the two of them tried to figure out how to get this tiny, little, sticky, clear patch out of its packaging and onto mom's arm. Laughing is good. We are thankful for the times we have been able to laugh this month.

Unfortunately, a day later her pain, nausea and dizziness had us contacting the on-call nurse late Sunday night on August 8th. This is a great thing about Hospice. They will send a nurse if you need one. Anytime.

It was a hellish night ... mom was curled up in bed as we all waited in the kitchen, we paced, we drank coffee, we drank wine - we would have smoked if anyone had cigarettes, damn I miss the 80's sometimes.

At some point while waiting for the nurse we had the bright idea to remove the pain patch. This helped tremendously.
An RN finally arrived around midnight. She did an on the spot foley cath to relieve pressure and got Dr's orders to switch pain meds.

That was when we first started taking shifts spending the night over there.
We also came up with a plan to spend most days over there as well, with my ever-patient wife and I sharing the day / night shift initially.

We were so not prepared for so much to happen so fast. We were just trying to keep up.

On the 9th I designed (the first of many versions) a simple excel template to chart medications and symptoms. This made it easier for us to change shifts and keep track of the ever changing medications.

By the 11th, when her regular RN came for her scheduled visit she walked in and took one look at her and put mom on Continuous Care**. This was to help get her symptoms under control and to have an nurse on site while we started new meds.

That evening, with nurses staying the night, we started mom on Methadone.
Having overnight nurses also allowed us to come home and get some sleep... at least for a couple nights, while during the day my technically-employed-wife and I were able to work right from mom's spare room. (we both work for wonderfully family oriented supportive companies.)

By the 13th - her methadone was upped to 5MGs/q8. Zophran was added as a scheduled med as well to control nausea.


**Continuous Care is when hospice identifies a medical need to have 24 hour care in the home lead by a nursing staff.

the recap

Before I forget everything that's happened over the last month ... these next few posts are mostly for me.
Then again... what isn't really.


week 1.
We waited almost a week after the laprascopy to see mom's oncologist. He had been on vacation. We already knew the news was not good, and mom was getting weaker by the day.
So much so in fact, that the day before her oncologist appointment, on August 2nd - she signed herself up for hospice care. Yeah...that's mom. This will become a common theme -- mom is in charge.

With great anticipation we sat and waiting for the doctor (me, mom and my SIL).
He came in completely unprepared! He had not looked at her test results and was not ready with a prognosis or plan of treatment. Apparently, his staff did not update him.
Almost needless to say the three of us were pretty hard on him for this. We had been waiting...sick with anticipation only to have him walk into the room and say ...so how are you?

He became a bit defensive after that... he left the room for a short while and examined the results.
He came back and said...this is very serious...duh - but still suggested palliative chemo. I really got the feeling he was shooting from the hip.

Mom has had plenty of chemo to know that the side effects along with her weakening condition were not how she wanted to spend her remaining time.
She decided not to get treatment.
We went home, and met with our hospice team.

Their first order of business was to get her pain and nausea under control. At that time mom was on percoset q4, causing an up and down roller coaster of pain.

learning to be present

It has been my recent practice to learn to be more present in my life. For some people presence is disturbed by their past - for me its mostly future. My mind is generally several steps ahead of reality. This causes me to lose the moment. And so I have been very consciously trying to stay in the moment.
To enjoy the moment.
To be the moment.
Our lives are made up of moments.
Even those moments that we consider in between the moments of our lives.
They are all moments.

We, my family, have been given an opportunity to learn how to be in the moment. This can be done simply by changing the moment so often and in such varied, unforeseen ways that planning is simply not possible. That being present is your only choice.
It's kinda like taking a summer course - the learning has been consolidated into a very short and demanding amount of time.
In this case, one month.

I stopped blogging at that point, one month ago, and I shouldn't have. Blogging is my diary, my journal and often my memory.
So now, for me... I blog.

In late July my giddy wife and I made plans to visit Ptown for a couple days to celebrate our 25th anniversary. The timing ended up being not very good - tho we didn't know that when we made our reservations back in the winter.

My mother, as I have mentioned only once or twice here, has been dealing with cancer since March of last year. This past winter, after chemo and radiation, she was dubbed in remission - tho pain and other symptoms continued to bother her. She persisted in going to doctors for tests and procedures whose outcomes proved nothing. She was getting frustrated.

By the time we were packing our bags (not too many bags, it was a short trip...but hey... it was Ptown, so I of course would need several pairs of shoes ... none of them being sneakers...but that is a story for another time) my mothers pain level had escalated to a point where they were going to finally look inside. She had had a scan which showed "something" and they would now do a laproscopic biopsy to look inside.

Just before we left, my mother assured us she would be fine and to go and have a good time. In fact, she drove herself to get pre-procedure blood work that afternoon.
That was July 24th.

Her results were not good. All the previous scans and blood work somehow hid the truth.
We came home a day early and went to pick her up at the hospital. She was sore, but walked to car, got in and we whisked her home.
That was July 28th.

Today is August 31st.
My mother is wheelchair bound, cannot figure out how to dial her own phone, she cannot bathe or bathroom herself... and asked me yesterday why there was no food service at this place (her home).

It's been a month.

We have been present everyday.

please hold this space

we have been busy.
we are doing something hard.
something i don't necessarily recommend for the faint of heart.
hold, please.

Friday

tip-o-day

For those of us who don't water their lawns, this dry, hot summer has wreaked havoc on our grass. Large portions of my lawn look brown and dead.

This is fine, the lawn will spring back - but its also an opportunity for crabgrass to move in quickly.
Normally, I am not so concerned with crabgrass because it is an annual weed and can be controlled as such. However, there are steps you can take to prevent it from taking over your lawn.

While most people are familiar with putting down a crabgrass preventative in the spring, it can also be a good idea to reapply during these hazy days of summer.
For this second application, use a crabacide with no fertilizer. The formulations we use early in the season would simply stress the grass at this time of year.

This is an easy application and can be put down any time of the day with no worries about rain.
I suggest doing it on an afternoon just prior to cocktail hour.

More fun with science

Ok, kids today we will learn about velocity and mass.

How fast does a vehicle need to be travelling(V) to move an object of a specific weight (M) a certain distance (D)?

To test this equation - someone drove through our stone wall last evening, how convenient.
Let's review that sentence.
The key phrases are 'drove through' and 'stone wall'.

Please view the test data below. Note that we were not home at the time of the incident (rats).

Here is the scene:


The most likely approach (V):


Gaping hole:


Hmm, the gaping hole seems to be approximately the size of a midsized Toyota:


My flipflop included to show size of a moved object(M):


Distance (D):



wow.

Oops - I heard some news

When I take the long commute into the office once a week or so I tune to the local news station to grab a traffic report so I can choose my route.

Sometimes... inadvertently I end up hearing some of the news.

This morning I heard some thick headed, dimwitted Yoga instructors have applied for a U.S. Patent on their yoga positions.

Seriously.

I am so embarrased to be an American.

nature... it plays with us

One afternoon last week my able-bodied wife and I were in the back yard collecting some branches and limbs for the fire-pit we planned to light later that night.
As I was bending over to pick up sticks I saw a squirrel tail...with the rest of the body tucked under some overgrowth.
I protectively grabbed my distracted wife's arm and held her back.
'Stand back!' I declared, pointing to the tail end of the deceased animal.

Feeling all bravado from saving my wife - I went to get a shovel to bury the poor little guy. I bury any animals I may find around the yard, or those that our pets may have killed. After so many years here we now have a pretty full cemetery of birds, mice and chipmunks, and the like. I feel it's the proper Christian thing to do. Even tho I myself and not a religious person - far be it for me to judge anyone elses faith. I also make it a point to get them into the ground before dusk... should they be Jewish.

As I grabbed the shovel off its hook, I wondered off-handedly why the FREE dog hadn't found this little treasure yet. Seemed odd. O well.

I had some trouble digging the hole - kept running into roots and rocks. After 3 attempts I finally had a hole that satisfied my needs.
So I returned to the dead animal to scoop it up.
Seemed light as I slid the shovel under him. This was odd...the fur looked fresh so it could not have been there long - I would have expected a little more heft.
As I pulled it out of its hiding spot I noticed that the fur was in remarkable shape, and wait... is that eye actually open! Wait a minute wait a minute - whats with the stitches on the paws, and is it leaking... stuffing...
Doh.

To the point

I am often rather direct. This can hurt people's feelings.
It is not intended to do so. Nor does it bother me when it does.
That's really just your own mind games - and has nothing to do with what I am saying or doing. But I suppose that in and of itself is a whole 'nother post.

So - to the point then.

If you are currently watering your lawn, or washing your car, or perhaps rinsing off the driveway - please stop.
It's rude, selfish and unnecessary most of the time, but even more so while we are having a dry heat wave.

Thank you.

Science time!

Not too long ago we studied the melting point of chocolate here in my warm attic office.

Luckily I have an air conditioner up here with me today.
I can now eat chocolate freely.


For today's melting experiments:

What is the melting point of candle wax?


anyone...anyone...


From further data we can hypothesize that it's lower than that of a large, black, FREE dog*.


Let's get this into perspective - shall we -


*she went out there willingly... never said she was bright.
also - yes the grass is dead. I like to call it summer dormancy.

the end of an era?

I have just found out that the Cedar Brook Cafe will be closing.
It is rumoured to be the oldest gay bar in the nation.
Tho somehow I doubt that.
It is old. And in seriously rough shape.

It was old and in rough shape when I was going there, and that folks was in the 80's.

I started going when I was in college.
It was my first gay bar.
I was a regular.
I was there on Fridays and Saturdays, made most Sunday T's, and even went on the occasional Thursday.
There was a good crowd there back then. Lots of wonderfully good looking women, and the men were handsome, buff, tan and great dancers.

I dated the bouncer for a time, and the bartender always had my Michelob ready before I even made it over to the bar.
Back in those days, I never went with anyone - tho I rarely left alone. I eschewed the dance floor and ran the pool table. I flirted, I drank, I cheated*, I smoked, I dated several woman at once...
oh the good times.
ah to be young.

Years later, hmm, well...not many years later - still in my 20's I started dating a terribly attractive woman.
Some of our first dates were at the Cedar Brook Cafe, we called it The Brook.
Turns out we would go there for several years together. I gave up running the pool table so that I could dance with this lovely lady.
Clearly, I was rather smitten.
In fact, I think we stopped going mostly because of the birth of our second child.

And so this rugged little bar has many fond memories for me... for us.

They are having a closing party this Saturday night.
We talked about going, my AARP member-wife and I. But I think we'll pass.

The Brook was our place.
A long time ago.
I'll let it stay that way in my heart and in my memory.

We've lived a whole life since then.
It's not our place anymore - it belongs to a younger, firmer crowd.
We'll let them sweep up and lock the door.

Cheers.


* never at pool

How Showtime broke my heart

Look - let's be frank here, most everything on television today is just awful.
C'mon - admit it.
Even if you are addicted to it. It’s bad.
I mean… some people are addicted to Big Macs, right? Well, this proves you can be addicted to crap.

That said - we have been pleased to find some clever, entertaining programming on the big cable networks. While it's not Emerson - it's not Dancing with the Stars or C.S.I. AnyTown.

Nurse Jackie has been a delight this year. I have enjoyed the last several seasons of Weeds, Dexter and of course the classics - Sopranos, 6 Feet Under.

Even though it had its critics, I have always been a staunch supporter of the LWord.
So many middle American lesbians complained that it was too far fetched and that these gorgeous women couldn't possibly represent our population. Which is of course exactly what I loved about the show.
It's why I watch television.
Think about it.. do you live next door to Tony Soprano, how about Nancy Botwin or how about Dexter Morgan (well I suppose that’s somewhat possible in a scary, freaky way).

No.

It's TV people. Why watch real life on TV? If you want to watch real life, get the hell out of your armchair.

So... Showtime has now come out with a new show called The 'Real' LWord.
The show claims to be about 'real' lesbians living in Los Angeles.
I was skeptical - but hopeful. It is cable, after all.

So we watched last night.

Keeping in mind the things I loved about the original show -- which were its impossibly attractive cast, the outlandish predicaments they got themselves into, and the tangled web of sex, love and well....sex -- I am sorry to report that I can't even begin to critique this show.

It's simply overwhelming.

I will tell you this. We pressed 'Stop' followed by 'Delete' less than half way through the first show.

Could it be the universe telling me to get the hell out of my armchair?
I'll take that hint.

what would your super power be?

We were sitting around the table last night with Ferris and one of his friends enjoying a glass of Cabernet in the gloaming.
As often happens, the conversation drifted to what would you want your super power to be.

Ferris berated his friend, a petite flower of a girl - who thought being a fairy replete with pixie dust would be her choice. He said it was completely impractical.

Ferris wants to be able to turn his skin to steel - which he believes to be much more useful. Especially if say... there were zombies roaming around.
He also desires the ability to throw any object with precision accuracy and lethal force. Tho this he says is more of a practiced skill than an actual super power.

For my super power I chose a fast metabolism.

:)

Birds of a feather

We went to see La Ca ge aux Fol les on Broad way this weekend.

Fantastic.

I can't say enough good things about the show, and also ...the day, our lunch, the bottle of prosecco we had with lunch, the wine we had in Bryant Park after the show, the weather, the Two Boots pizza slice and ice cold Bud I had on the train ride home... really all in all a spectacular day.

Our seats were quite nice. 3 rows from the stage. We were pleased.

At intermission a woman and her friend, about my mothers age, sitting behind us were just glowing about the show. One of the women was from the mid-west and told us she saw the very first one on Broadway in the 80's. In fact she sees all the Broadway shows.
She was very cute.

The show ends on a touching high note and the whole audience is kinda charged up. Very fun.
Again we turned to chat with the women sitting behind us. They could not say enough nice things about the show, and that it was so much better than the other production.

The midwest woman asked where I was from... and we exchanged pleasantries. Then they turned to my wife and asked where she was from. I cut in and said - she's my wife.
The women glowed.

"Oh! That's wonderful!"
"How long have you been married?" They asked excitedly.

I explained we were married just over a year, tho we had over 25 years together. I went on to tell them about our grown children that one was near 30 now... and our son just out of college...

They were practically giddy.

The woman from the midwest again went on to say how much she loved the show and the day and that we... my wife and I...

"You two are the icing on my the cake today!"

We all hugged and parted ways... everyone feeling the glow of the day.

ants

We've been here in our house a long time. Luckily we moved in about a month before Ferris was born - so its always easy to remember how long we have been here.

Here we are on the day we moved in, all twenty-something and naive.
You can't really tell from this picture, but my round-wife is very pregnant. Doncha just love the flash-dance leggings and socks.

See the aluminum awning. My very-pregnant-nesting-wife made me take it down that very afternoon. We also ended up pretty much ripping off the front room and re-doing it.
Not to mention we have moved almost every window and door in the house over all these years...there's new siding, new roof, new furnace, new... don't even get me started on how my wife moves shrubs like they are folding chairs.

Ah.... I digress.

Being in one place for such a long time gives you the opportunity to see trends.
Over the years I have noticed that each summer season there is a plant and insect and and animal that seem to swell in numbers.

Last year we had this most pervasive weed ... It was easy enough to eradicate from the lawn and gardens, but I feared for the wildflowers and grasses out in our meadow. Remarkably, this year its practically non-existent.
Then there was the year we had so many so many slugs there was slug slime everywhere.
We put out cups and cups of beer that year. Oddly, Free Dog also put on about 5 pounds that summer. They too have all but disappeared.
huh.

This year, it ants. They are everywhere. I was sweeping the front walk and the next thing I knew my leg was swarmed. I was cutting the side lawn and noticed it looked like the ground was moving there was so many of them.
ick.

So ...while I may shepperd a single bug out of the house on scrap of paper or toss them one out the bathroom window in a cup... somehow I make peace with the mass genocide of the hose end sprayer.
go figure.

i so dislike the grid

Last week I took down my Facebk page.
Sorry to all you people out there who love it.

I find it utter nonsense, best left to the high schoolers it was designed for.

I have heard many people say that they use it to keep in touch with family and friends, which is great -if that's what works for you.
I don't generally want to know what anyone is doing every minute. If I want to catch up with you I very much prefer to see you in person - speak to you, look into your eyes, wrap my arms around you - yes, I'm a hugger.

I certainly don't want people from my past dredging me up because they have nothing better to do than surf the web. If I wanted to stay in touch... well...

The whole friending/un-friending thing sounds simply ghastly.

So its gone.

You can still get in touch with us in several ways:

• We have a house phone and are listed in the phone book. That phone has an answering machine. If we are not home - please leave us a message.


• I actually have a cell phone (my way-off-the-grid wife does not) tho I use that primarily for work. If I am not at work or travelling its most likely in a drawer - and so I would advise sticking to the house phone.


• Please feel free to post a letter to me. How I miss letters.


• I also respond to email, as I am not completely off the grid. I rather like email in that I can read it when I get around to it, and can respond at my leisure. It's not unlike a letter in my mail box, except less tactile. Keep in mind - I don't usually check email on the weekends.
  
  Ah but there is always the house phone...

In other news

more happenings from the break

This strapping young man not only turned 22 - but ....

Friday

tip-o-day

It's Friday afternoon.
Grab a refreshing drink and go outside.

Breathe.

while i was away...

Some milestones passed while I was not blogging.

I will jot them down- lest I forget.

First, I am now married to a bonafide member of the AARP.
(and yes...it's the same woman I have always been married to).

She was giddy when she got her membership card in the mail.

Happy Birthday (in April) my love.

Hey...where is my flyover?

We went to TWO Memorial Day parades this weekend.
TWO!
We sat through endless Brownies, Cub Scouts, Daisy Girls and lots and lots of Shriners in little vehicles.
And not ONE flyover.
No jets.
No Blackhawks.

nada.

sheesh.

what would weese do?

freak little storm blew threw here last night and limbed this pear tree.



The answer that is poised on your lips is... she would go get her chainsaw and have that taken care of by lunch time.

But you know what?
weese is tired.
We have dozens of trees and have had many limbs come down over the 22 years we've been here.
It's heavy work.

Meh.

All this butchy yard work was fun at one time.
It's getting old now.
Or wait... maybe that's me.

I think instead of picking up my saw, I'll pick up the phone.

Highs in the lower 90's

I haven't had the chance to pick up that little room sized A/C that would fit nicely into my office window here.
Here in the attic.
Today should be interesting.

I have a little piece of Dove chocolate on my desk.
Currently, at 9:30 E.S.T., its 70 degrees in here and the chocolate is nice and firm.

Let's check back in later...shall we.

-------------------------------------------------------
1:00 p.m. update
It's actually not too uncomfortable up here.
It's 77 degrees, and I have a fan going.

However, my chocolate is getting soft.
(notice the indent where I pressed my finger)



-------------------------------------------------------
3:37 p.m. update
temperature has reached 85°.

Did you know chocolate melts at 85°?

(clearly not swiss chocolate, Sage)

Let sleeping dogs lie

When we last left the FREE dog she was passed out from exhaustion after spending a couple days with the babies.
Since that time the babies have been back for another weekend stay!

They change so quickly at this age, and now that the girls are getting older their food selection has become even more palatable to the FREE dog. Not only that - but the girls are feeding themselves more and more. The variety of foods available on the floor at any given moment is staggering.
The girls squeal with delight when they feel her furry back on their bare feet as she laps up remains under their high chairs - at least that why I think they keep dropping their food down there.

As the girls master the use of 'the spoon' - we've found there can also be collateral dolloping on vertical surfaces - this is not a problem for an alert FREE dog.

FREE dog has made clean up a breeze.

So yes, she crashes after they leave. Which is good. It gives me time to disinfect the floors, the cabinets, the furniture...
(Don't worry mom... we washed the babies before we brought them back... because she licks them too.)

and so i blog

I am back.
I am back to blog.

I had to wait. I had to wait until the blogging was for me.

It is now.
It's basically all about me.

I am going to spend this week catching up on events that happened during my hiatus.

Friday

tip-o-day

Here I am.
And isn't it appropriate that I return with a tip!

Have you ever had a get together at your home with friends who bring along a favorite dish to share...then you start drinking and eating and chatting and one thing leads to another and they leave their dish and go home.
Or perhaps your nephews came for a visit and the left behind a hat,a toy car or their new puppy.
So ... you make a mental note to yourself to remember to return it the next time you see them.
And ...inevitably you forget.

Try this.
Create a 'Don't forget' shelf, or spot, preferably somewhere near the door. So anytime someone forgets something at your house or even if it's just a coupon you want to remember to bring to your daughter -- put it in this spot.
Then every time you're heading out the door, take a quick scan of the shelf for items you may want to bring with you.
This is especially handy for folks you don't see all that often.
You can also put your reusable shopping bags here after you unload your groceries.

Zzzzz

After the babies left.

kids

It seems like so many new blogs I encounter these days are young lesbians trying to have babies. Why-o-why do all these lesbians want children - don't they realize how expensive college is these days?

Ok ok... the rewards may outweigh expenses... for example -perhaps one day, far in the future - you're 21 year old may roll out of bed... rather late one Sunday morning, possibly a little hung over, and tell you to get in the car cuz you are taking him to a movie... right now. A 3D movie. And he wants Milk Duds.

This is something you don't question. You simply put down whatever it is that you're doing and get in the car. Where he may already be sitting...waiting... revving your engine impatiently.

And when we ...the parents... start to bicker over what really is the superior movie snack, Milk Dud's or popcorn - he'll smile and say
"Ah.. now that's just how I remember it."
And of course - we get both.

That was our Sunday.
If he weren't 6 feet tall I'd swear he was 10.
Ahhh. Kids.

Today... he is lolling on a beach in the Bahamas swilling foofy cocktails, surrounded by scantily clad co-ed, waiting for the beer-chugging contest to begin.
Ahh. Spring Break.

critical mass

I am currently working on a project in the basement.

Our basement is stone, and most likely used to have a dirt floor. It now has a thin layer of cement for the floor which I painted last winter.

As they often did in old basements the stone work was 'parged'. Which is a white plastery type material spread over the stone to help with moisture and to retain integrity. Over the many years we have been here this parging is breaking down and crumbling.

To tidy things up down there and make the basement presentable to potential buyers (we will move someday) I now spend my spare time painting rocks.
I am using a special water blocking paint.The white walls make the room look bright and clean.
Its a slow, yet gratifying process.



The wine cellar is now very approachable.


Since I work primarily at home now -I have been putting on my paint clothes in the morning - and paint on my lunch hour.
Yesterday afternoon I glanced down at my paint covered jeans thoughtfully. They are well worn - have that perfect fade - and they fit well. So I wondered why I ever let them become paint pants in the first place.

It only took a few moments to remember. These pants were downgraded to work clothes some time ago ...because they were so large.

oh shit.

environmental waste

I was thrilled to receive a package recently with those corn starch packing peanuts - as you may know I have a very strong aversion to styrofoam.

The insert in the package said they would easily dissolve in water. Of course I immediately put one in the sink. It dissolved pretty quick with warm water.
Awesome.
So I tossed the rest out the back door. I figured its pretty wet outside - so eventually they would dissolve.

Of course, since that time we have had one snow after another and we've not seen bare ground in several weeks.
Ah, but Spring nears and yesterday, we had a huge melt.

Hmm.

a final word on curling

Ferris came home from his big state university for the weekend.
When he wasn't out catching up with his buddies we enjoyed some quality family time watching curling.
Ferris has been studying the sport - from the sofa...and feels he could pretty much stand up, walk out onto the ice, and beat the US men's team.
His goal is to start a curling team for Italy. He has been perusing IOC websites to find out what he needs to do to qualify as an Italian.

So if you notice there is an Italian curling team in 2014 ... look for me and my proud wife in the stands yelling - Go Italia!
I hope I can help pick out the uniforms.

More Olympic goodness

Four man bobsled.
What do the two guys in the middle do?

No really... do they do anything at all? Or do they just sit there?

Cuz I am really not sure if I would want my big golden Olympic moment to be acting as human ballast.

How would I respond to questions about earning a medal.
"Well, I jump into a bobsled really fast, then I crouch down really low."

ooh the athleticism.

Friday

tip-o-day

I know its February and there is still snow on the ground in most of the country (even in Texas?).
But - spring is in the air people.

To bring it into the house - now is a great time to bring in flowering trees or shrubs and force them into bloom. We like to bring in the forsythias and within a couple days they explode in yellow spring happiness. This year we brought in some magnolia branches and it looks like those will bloom too.
Also - hang out your comforters and pillows, or even your curtains. You'll be surprised how the strong smell of spring air fills the house and lifts your spirits.

Suddenly

I am a huge Curling fan.

and really... its not just the outfits.





watching women's curling now...
I have to say - our women's curling uniforms are rather blah-zay.
Denmark on the other hand - well now, there's another reason to love curling.
(tried to find a pic...sorry)

speaking of DC

We are driving down there today.

Is that dumb?

Thanks DC

O sure. I can't even complain about our mini blizzard yesterday.
What's another 6 inches when all those mid-atlantic people are buried under feet of this stuff.
harumpf.
I'll just go out and shovel quietly now.

The Met

Tonight... tonight will be about the sex.
And apparently some violence... and drama...

my name is weese, and I am a Saints fan

'nuff said.

Friday

tip-o-day

We have all been couped up quite a bit for the last couple months, and even tho its not quite time for spring cleaning - its good to just do a quick dust/wipe of your corners and crown moldings. Cobwebs form more readily when homes are closed up and air movement is slow. They're also almost impossible to see unless the light hits them just right or when guests arrive.

This is one of the best uses for those long handled swiffery dusters things. But if you don't have one, no worries. Simply take a dishrag and wrap it around a broom or other long handled tool. Then just whisk it around the top of the room. Do a quick sweep of hanging lamps and fans at this time too.

Hi, my name is weese, and I am a Saints fan

I have been a Saints fan for over 25 years.
It began innocently enough - those smashing gold and black uniforms caught my eye. And who doesn't just love the fleur de lis.

I always say ..if you look good, you play good.

Meaning -- that by looking smart and tidy in your uniform you'll feel more confident. If you are confident you will play better.

Granted this has not always worked for the Saints. In fact, perhaps not at all.

But weese is nothing if not loyal.
I picked them, and so for all these years I have stuck with them.
I have never swayed.
I have never turned my back.
In fact it was during some of their lowest years when my kids surprised me with this.


So many years I put this jersey away before the playoffs.
I am thrilled to be able to wear it for the first time on Superbowl Sunday.
They'll be no party here. No laughing and joking or story telling with wild drinking or fraternizing going on in our living room this year (well...except for some light drinking and fraternizing with my dallas-cowboy-fan wife).

We are watching the game.
Game on.

I don't get it.

Just today I found out there's more than one groundhog.
It's kinda like when I was small and saw Santa Claus twice at the mall. In different places. Within seconds.
Shattering really.

So how does this work? Is the forecast regional? Where are the boundaries?

The timing of it never really gelled for me anyway. I mean no matter how you look at it spring in New England is never going to come in the first two weeks of March. Hell - folks in Maine are still waiting in May sometimes.
So this whole concept of an early spring (i.e. less than 6 weeks away) really makes no sense.

I shouldn't think so much about these things. I get so disillusioned.
I am going to go write a letter to the Easter Bunny to make myself feel better.
Because giant rabbits delivering eggs to celebrate the resurrection of the son of G-d makes sense to me.

Round is a shape

Have you ever been to Italy and seen those tall, dark, thin women - o so impeccably dressed, and terribly attractive.

Must be a regional thing... my people are the short, round island people that live below the boot. We Sicilians are adorable - without all that annoying attractive Euro-ness to worry about.

Look at my family for goodness sakes.

This is my mother and father on their wedding day. My Italian paternal grandparents flank them. Mom is all of 5'2", clearly you can see we are not a tall people. See my cute, round grandma there. Yeah... I got those genes. Tho I have no white gloves for special occasions.

And so as is traditional for this time of year. Its time to reign in the maddness and drop a couple pounds. My svelt wife will join me in this quest, albiet on a smaller scale.

This morning she told me on her way out to work "I am not going to the grocery store until we both lose 5 pounds."

Uh o.

weese is hibernating.

Friday

tip-o-day

Have you had occasion to have a service/repair person over to the house who gave you such great service that you just wanted to run up and hug them?

I like to keep a couple *bucks cards in small denominations tucked in a drawer.
That way - I can thank such a person instantly (without the hugging).

Instead of tipping with money I can say:
Hey - thanks so much... can I buy you a cup of coffee.

my shovel is poised

They tell me more snow is coming tomorrow.
I am immune.
Clearly it's going to be one of 'those' winters.
Which is fine since I don't belong to a gym.

My warm-weather-lovin' wife on the other hand said quietly to herself as she placed her shovel down after the last storm.
"That's the last time I do that."

She is sending me links now from realtor.com.

I suppose I better find some boxes.

Is the whole world sick?

What's going on out there?

I went to get a prescription filled yesterday and there were lines out the door.
My sniffly wife is not well, and I watched Ferris succumb to a fever last night right before my eyes.
When his buddy called, I actually told him that he had to stay in because he was sick. I didn't expect him to listen. In fact, I expected him to flip me the bird.
He must be very sick tho, because he never made it out. He's a college boy. Almost nothing can stop him.

I am still holding up. I attribute that to the antibiotics I am on for my tooth. While unlikely - its all I've got going for me right now. That... and some green tea and M&M's.

Are you sick?


This just in - the doctor just confirmed bronchitis in my wheezie wife.

off we go then

It's a new year.

We had our hands full at the tail end of 2009.


It takes several hands with twins.

One morning I had to drive Ferris to the airport.
My clever wife set up this arrangement while I was gone.
Had some Cheerios on hand and found Shrek on TV.


The girls spent New Years Eve with us.
Let me tell you - these kids par-taaayy.

Because it could be you... or me....

The next time you see a woman in a store somewhere looking a bit disheveled - perhaps she is in sweats... maybe they look stained, or even wet. Her hair might lack brushing, her coat is buttoned wrong, her eyes glassy with bags.
Don't judge.

;)

Happy!

The "Holidays" are upon us.

I understand that this can be a difficult time of year.
Try not to stress. Don't let others expectations make you tense.

Drink wine, be merry.
Eat too much, loosen your belt.
Give freely of your heart.
Presents are optional.

We've had a decoration malfunction

Or more accuratly we have had a complete and utter Christmas tree failure.

I have never seen anything quite like this. But every single needle...every one... fell off this tree.

When we first discoved the problem, we started to take the lights off.


Before we even got them all off - there were no needles left.


We literally had to shovel out bags full of needles.



____
I suppose I should add. I went back to the Christmas tree place yesterday. It's a local farm where you can cut your own or they have some pre-cuts. We have been going there for years. The fated tree was a cut your own. Ferris cut it down for us, and when we got it home it seemed perfectly fine.
Guess it wanted to stay in the forest. Who knew.
The guy there said he never heard of such a thing, where every needle came off- but quickly helped me pick out a new tree and got it into my trunk.
All is well and Christmas is saved.

Can I get workman's comp?

During the course of the day I spend a great deal of time on conference calls.
I had been using speaker phone, but recently I got a new headset.
I just love it.

I have also developed a re-newed love for Orbit bubble mint gum.
It's tasty and refreshing, plus I can blow bubbles with it.

This, however, is not a suggested activity when wearing a headset on a conference call.

Really... in Connecticut... I mean really?

I have seen this article referred to on several blogs now.
I wanted to post this picture - because it's incredible, and it's close to home.

These guys showed up at a menorah lighting ceremony of a local town green.



I mean seriously... how stupid are these guys. First of all they have masks on. Clearly they are not very proud of what they are doing.
At least those wacky 'family first' people at the gay rights demonstrations show their faces.
So then, when people start yelling at them and joining the group lighting the menorah to show support - these three knuckles heads get in their car and take off.

Um... if you're gonna protest something shouldn't you at least stick around.

My gentile wife and I are hoping to attend the lighting on Wednesday evening. We would like to show our support of this wonderful tradition which celebrates light and hope - and that hate of any kind will not be tolerated.

Those boys better watch out if she has her wooden spoon with her.

Friday

tip-o-day

Don't let these early snow storms fool you.
Many people here decided this snow was too early to worry about. They assumed the following warm days following would melt it all away.

They are mistaken. In fact, it's quite the opposite.
Allow me to explain.

This storm was an excellent example.

We woke to about 6 inches of snow on Wednesday morning.
By the time I finished my first cup of coffee the precipitation had turned to rain.
This is where most folks sat down with newspaper and got a second cup.

I sprang to action.
You see. The rain got those 6 inches of snow very wet. It was too much snow to be washed away. So the snow simply absorbed as much rain as it could and the rest sat underneath puddling.
Overnight the temps drop. With so much snow mixed with the rain, the temps don't even need to be that low.
Now ..if this were powdery snow - no worries. But this was basically water disguised as snow. So what we got was a solid freeze.
Ice.
And if you didn't shovel.
Several inches of it.

This ice is gonna be around for awhile.

It's also a great time to remind you to make sure and clear the snow several inches off the paved surfaces, well into your lawn. That way any melting that happens during the day gets absorbed. If allowed to melt out onto your driveway - those rivers and puddles freeze up overnight for slick conditions for many, many mornings.

2010 nears

We have no calendar for next year ... so of course this means we can't make any plans past December.

I really need to get out to a store today.

open studio sunday

There was wine - there was paint - there was knitting.













A good time was had by all. If you consider black dogs with purple paint a good time.
(think Cat in the Hat)

how to make weese happy

The technician who came to diagnose our heating problems this week has been to our house several times over the years for parts replacements and general service. He is familiar with our system and our old house. He often notices changes we've made and will compliments us on our choices. He seems wise and considerate in his care.

After he had a good look at the problem and fiddled with some parts and made some adjustments, he stood and looked thoughtfully at our 30 year old system.

He placed his hand tenderly on the boiler and told me it might just be time to replace the whole thing now.
I gulped.
He gently showed me all the different issues we were dealing with and how if we were to fix many of these we would most likely have to do all that work again when the unit finally stopped working. And that day was inevitable.

He turned and panned the room and said - "You know, really - its not that hard of a job, maybe 4 or 5 hours. The biggest concern of mine would be ...your basement floor is so clean."

It's only money

My frugal wife and I were discussing an important matter over email yesterday.
After much back and forth, a little research, and some calculating, we had come to a decision... she replies:

"We've been fortunate.

Although, a cruise would have been fun..."


So, rather than a cruise with foofy cocktails and warm beaches, we'll instead warm our souls... or the living room as it were -

We expect her on Thursday. We are busily preparing for her arrival.

why?

Why would you put music on your website?
Do you really think anyone wants to hear your music?

We don't.

Just so you know.

They're back!

What to do when the day care closes for a week?
Hmm.
Call the aunties with large amounts of accrued vacation days of course!

On our first night we had a tandem bath time with grandma.


Then at 5 a.m. this morning I sang Christmas carols over coffee.
With blinking antlers of course.

Friday

tip-o-day

Are you busy doing some holiday cleaning?

Remember to clean under your furniture and especially make sure it's pristine under your sofa and chair cushions.

You can be sure a nephew will lose a binky, your uncle will drop his swizzle stick or the toddlers just might want to make a cushion fort.
If so, you'll be ready!

Real life IS like the LWord

I wrote once about how surreal (and fantastic) it was that on the LWord show UPS delivery people were all women, hot - and oh, just happened to be lesbians.
And of course they would sleep with you if you were so lucky as to be home when your package was delivered.

So I had to laugh today - I was out in the front lawn tending to the fall leaves.
Here I am cruising around on my 15HP lawn tractor, in the requisite barn coat with heavy gloves -check, work boots -check... also sporting an incredibly cute hat.

I notice a UPS truck driving up the street. Its slows. Sure enough... it comes to a stop in front of our house. The driver jumps down off her seat and gives me a wave as she goes into the back of her truck... whooo weeee. Stunning.

Of course, I leap off my tractor (lucky me ...didn't fall off) to retrieve the package.
And oh my...that smile, those eyes.

Here is where the story deviates...ya know, slightly... at least in real life. I toss the package on the porch and jump back on the tractor as the UPS truck pulls away.

Isn't life grand.

it does what!?

That's what I said to my mother the other night when she recommended a neti pot for my current sinus stuffiness. I had never heard of one... because yes, I do live under a rock and am very happy there, thank you very much.

So she described to me what it would do. The whole in one side out the other concept.
It completely fascintated me.
So of course - I ran right out and got one.

wow.

Have you ever used one of these things.
Freaky...
and mildly addictive.

more reality TV... really... I mean really

People - please stop watching this trash on television, making it so popular that they continue to come out with ideas one more stupid than the other.

Only we can make a difference.

Open your windows, pick up your TV and heave it right out the window.
(for those of you with large screen HD TV's - you may need to open the door).

You must realize we are a few seasons away from The Running Man* -- don't you?




*...the novel describes a science fiction dystopia where market capitalism and television game shows have spiraled out of control...

Friday

tip-o-day

When raking leaves, try to pick the windiest day possible.

Give your neighbors a good laugh.

a follow up

where do you go when you are all dressed up?

to the liquor store of course!

What I found disturbing about my chipmunk-ness was just how well my normal wardrobe fit into the costume.
I dress ...like a chipmunk.