Monday, July 23, 2012

its ok. really. its fine. i promise.

Don't fear the empty nest.

Now when I share with friends and collegues that our last child has moved out, I get alot of similar responses along the lines of "OH THE HORROR" ... these are mostly from parents of younger children.

These parents go on to tell me how they NEVER want their children to move out; how sad they will be when they are gone, and they can't imagine their lives and homes without these kids.

Then there are the parents of teens - they nod knowingly, perhaps with a slight smirk. Folks in this stage of parenting believe that the teens years were invented to make you WANT the empty nest.

While its true the teen years can be difficult - they do pass, as did the terrible threes and the feisty nines.

What happens then is your child matures. They stop that hormone driven hating - stop hating you, stop hating rules, stop hating teachers and school and in some cases even stop hating brussel sprouts.
Your teen turns into a young adult. Who can actually be alot of fun.
Gone are the silly arguments over independence and laundry on the floor - and we welcome long meaningful chats. Intelligent, wordly conversations. Thoughtful acts and warm hugs.

So why you may ask would you ever want this fine young person to leave you?

Quite simply - because THEY want to.

Your young adult has come around, and survived your upbringing. They are often grateful and content with your company. And while they can't beat the accommodations... they really want to be out on their own. In their own space. Not like when they were teens and secretive. This is a matter of adult privacy. The kind you will also enjoy when they go.

Think about it.
You always wanted the best for your children, and hoped for their success and happiness?
Do you remember that feeling of the first night in your 'first place'?
So once they can, when they have the means --this will make them happy. 
Very happy.

And that will bring you joy.
(and the adult privacy doesn't suck either)

Monday, July 09, 2012

Our nest

Well its happened.
We knew it was inevitable, we felt it drawing closer.
All the signs were there, the ducks were lined up, plans made, preparations underway.
And so - it was not a surprise.
There was an announcement, a schedule, and finally... execution.

Ferris has flown the coup.

Its not like we're new to him not being around. He went to college, he went to Florence for a few months-- twice.
We're used to him not being here.
Tho, oddly, there is something about his room being empty. All those other forays into the world left his room intact, even looking a bit lived in, his energy still swirling about.
This time he took it all**. Took his 'stuff' to start his new life.

Ah, but don't worry about us.
A trip to Ikea and a couple Princess blankets later - we've transformed Ferris' once manly, cozy cave into cuteness.
Bring on the babies we've got room!

And look who came over to console us in our loneliness this weekend.

I think we'll be OK.

Definition of 'all' - meaning everything in his room. The basement and garage... well that another story.
Its a transition we are used to. The Daughter The Therapist finally took her stuff when we told her we were moving - the alternative being tossing the stuff into dumpster. Dumpsters are an effective motivator.