I am never quite sure how old I am.
I mean… I’m close, just a year off generally. But for some reason I just can’t seem to get a grip on the correct number. If you were to ask me – just flat out “Hey weese, how old are you?” Please don’t be surprised to get a deer-in-the-headlights look.
I am not in any way ashamed or embarrassed about my age. In fact, I revel in it. I wear my gray hairs proudly, never considering a bottled potion to cover them up. I am getting wrinkled, and have certainly noticed gravity’s strong hold.
It’s simply that I get confused about the specific number. Ah… does it really matter? What’s in a number anyway?
There are milestones of course. 1, 16, 18 (or 21 these days). After that we make milestones of the decades - 30, 40, 50 and so on.
Why do we do that? Why is 40 any more important than say… 42, or 38. I suppose it shouldn’t be – perhaps its just a way to pass the time.
I remember the day I turned 30, and I wondered if just by turning from 29 to 30 overnight, would I suddenly feel more like an adult? Would I feel grown up?
We had young kids, our first house, a puppy, new cars… all the things that equate us with actual, tax-payin’ grown ups.
Yet I still felt so … like I was in my 20’s.
Nothing happened that day.
And so I waited.
I waited another decade.
And when I turned 40 – I thought surely now I am an adult. Crap, I am middle aged. But still… I really felt no different. Well… aside from a couple new twinges here or there, and maybe the need for some 2 dollar magnifying glasses. I felt just the same. Just like me. Just like any other day.
I can say some things for certain as I am careening through my 40’s. Lots of things are changing now. My attitude has mellowed from my 30’s and my innards are gearing up for a transition and reminding me about then whenever they can. But at the end of the day – even tho the end of the day is now a few hours earlier than it used to be, I still feel a lot like person who thought they might grow up after 30.
I am still hoping to grow up… maybe when I turn 50.
Happy Birthday Teresa,
do you know how old you are?