Monday, September 13, 2010

the imagery of death

Last evening, after telling my brother she was tired and he should leave so that she could sleep - my mother had her caregiver call him back to the house.
When he returned - she confessed to killing some rabbits. I am unclear whether these were the same rabbits I had removed the other day.

Perhaps we are seeing a pattern here.
While my brother is disturbed by the behaviour, I rather think she is trying to tell us something ... muddled through her dementia.

We are familiar with the usual apparitions of those approaching death.
They may see previously deceased loved ones - even pets. Angels may appear to them. Or they may relive parts of their past or childhood.

We have experienced many of these over the last several weeks.

My mother asking her granddaughter if she had any confessions to Papa, who was there with her ('Papa', my mothers 3rd and 4th husband (a story for another time) died in 2001 of pancreatic cancer under my mothers care).
Lucy the cat has visited.

This weekend she wanted to jump on her bike and ride into town for some ice cream.
I told her she could go tomorrow ...because it was already too close to dark.

There have been many references to riding a bus. At first it was the sensation of climbing stairs. Then it became apparent the stairs led to a bus. She didn't really want to be on the bus - and so has gotten off each time. Is the bus her way of getting to the 'next place'? Why does she keep getting off? Is there unfinished business?

She has spoken of sleeping in a tree. The most comfortable tree you could imagine and no matter which way you tossed and turned it was delightfully soft and welcoming.

At one point in her illness she was so uncomfortable with pain and sickness that my spiritual wife and I wished for her peace and comfort.
We decided on a traditional ritual of writing a blessing, wish or prayer on paper and burning it in prayer.

the note reads "stay on the bus, it takes you to the tree." and we added a piece of sage to burn for good energy and space clearing. And yes, that ashtray is from the 80's.

And now...we have the odd fate of these rabbits and horses. Why is she killing them? Why does she need to confess this... first to my wife and I, and then to my brother?
Clearly something is causing distress.
I spent some time with her yesterday afternoon assuring her that we were all fine. That we were all ready. That she was being cared and that she was in no way a burden to any of us.

I am determined to find what is so disturbing. I am hoping to help her find peace.
She told me yesterday that she is not afraid. Well.... except for the Beezores...


eb said...

At least you know in between the pain she's sleeping in the most comfortable tree you can imagine.

e said...

I love your blessing/wish and sage burning. I hope that helps.

Peace to all of you...

Anonymous said...

make certain she doesn't try to smoke the sage

eb said...

You could leave her salvia... she can smoke that.

the only daughter said...

Reminds me of my grandmother's moment