writingwomyn january collaboration

my assignment this month
"ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: pull down your pants, and slide on the ice." [quote sidney freedman from "mash"]. for the collab this month, tell us where you'd take your fun moments if you could. for you, what would be the epitomy of "pulling down your pants and sliding on the ice?" why do want to do it, and why will you [or will you not]?

First, my pants will stay firmly on my bottom, cinched snugly at the waist. Then… there will be no sliding on any ice without proper attire - something waterproof and warm, yet attractive and slimming if possible. I’ll need gloves and a hat – well fitted and not to bulky. I would prefer to slide on some sort of sliding device. A sled, one of those saucer things, even a cafeteria tray will suffice. I will also need to check this ice for safety. Is it thick enough to hold my weight? Is the sliding path free of debris?…you can’t just slide without looking. There needs to be some planning involved.
I will need to know what time we will be sliding. That way I won’t be late. I don’t like to be late, I have arrival anxiety. You should try going to a movie with me. Let’s just say it’s rather tense if we are not early.
I also like to be prepared. I carry with me a wide, and somewhat, odd assortment of items at most times. In my backpack that I carry to work each day you will find the obvious such as my lunch, my daytimer, sometimes my sneakers if I plan to walk. But I also carry a flashlight, a tape measure, a pocket knife, a toothbrush, my phone charger, a combo tool, tissues, wet wipes….you get the idea. I am… wrapped a little tight.
My wife…well….is a saint for dealing with the likes of me. She is my opposite, a true free spirit. She can arrive when she wants and leave when she wants – there is no anxiety or ulterior motives, no regrets. She is unfettered. I admire this. I will also never be this.
So – will I be sliding on the ice? – doubtful. Will I regret not sliding on the ice? - not at all. I will watch with joy and delight as my wife bares her behind and slips down the slope giggling all the way. Then I will wrap her in a towel and console her while she thaws.