New spaces

I didn’t expect this. I know myself pretty well. I am generally calm, level headed almost unemotional in some situations. Oh sure, I have my faults and I can be a bit …well … anxious about things -- but I know my neurosis, I am comfortable with it, it fits me like old shoes. I go into most situations knowing how I will feel, and well aware that I may react emotionally at times.
This was not one of them.
I expected my sentimental wife to react the way she did. She was perfect; she was herself…in all her softness. But me... the rock, the strong one, the analytical one – ran amok.

My internal static was his discomfort. It was like ET and Elliott. As soon as he started to bristle and worry – I uncontrollably followed.

The new space felt too small, we had to track down some misplaced items, there were some repairs and cleaning to be done. It all seemed insurmountable to him. But his organized mom and I got it done. It began to feel homey and larger and better organized. This helped, but still… when we left that afternoon my emotions continued to bounce all over the place. There were loose ends to tie up the next day, it wasn’t all settled yet.

I write this all in retrospect. It’s done now. And I am admittedly feeling better. This is because he did something very important for me that second day when I went returned to tie up those loose ends. He told me not to come back. No more visits. He was all set and didn’t need anything else.
See ya.
And this… this is what made it ok for me. I needed for him to be strong, for him to be the man that he is. Not my baby boy. Because I would not have been able to leave my baby boy there… in that dorm… with all that drinking and fornicating and all…

Now, we are working on centering ourselves. Enjoying the little freedoms that come with our new space. That, and we are cleaning his room.