The rodent of my discontent

Last year we instituted the Chipmunk Relocation Program to alleviate our suburban lot of an influx of these vermin. This overpopulation, we believe, was the direct result of losing our beloved cat that very winter. The chipmunks, bunnies, mice and even deer seemed to be rejoicing and moving in by the drove.

The FREE dog was only mildly interested



and at times seemed even excited about the prospect of more playmates.


so... no help there.

Our Relocation Program was completely ineffective. The trap relegated to a dark corner in the basement. We have simply given up on planting flowering bulbs, and walk with our eyes to the ground to avoid the new holes they keep making to gain access to their ever-growing elaborate tunnel systems.

Fast forward to this spring - my rodent-tolerant wife and I are clearing out the back of the garage. We pulled out all the stored patio and porch furniture, and re-organized the lawn tools and garden equipment. She then left me on my own to sort through all my ‘no-longer-needed’ toxic substances. During the tidying, I found that the mice had once again gotten into my grass seed. They chew a hole in the bag then climb in. I can tell because I find poop in the bag - which is really nasty considering they got in there with the intention to snack. This poop however ... was rather large.
I found this disconcerting.
So I dug out the ole chipmunk trap, loaded it with some apple and left the area.

I damned near forgot to check it the next morning. My track record is pretty poor, so checking the trap is really superfluous. I opened the garage door and peered into the dark.
Trap door was down…. Slowly synapses snapped… it began to register.
O!. Door is down – rodent on board?!
I flipped on the light to find a very frightened and seemingly sad… rat.
Yes.
A Rat.
And a big one at that.

We drove him over to the park, where he can make new friends and dine on fine cuisine left behind by tiny soccer players.

Back at the house however, this is a problem.
We have put up with the mice and the cute little rabbits and the rapidly reproducing chipmunks but this has gone too far.

My gentle wife counseled me that it was time to get professional help.

To be continued…