Monday, October 22, 2007

Ménage' toi

Tho the threesome is happening only in my head.
And it’s not hot and steamy.
It’s more like a bad game of Twister. There are three of us in here Vanity, Conscience and Sensibility. It’s like a weesey twist on Freud’s Id, Ego and Superego[1]. And while I consider Freud to be a genius, albeit a deranged genius… my three decided we needed our own definitions. Plus, we didn’t like all those freaky parental references.

What keeps usme from being committed is simply that often times we agree. We know our own strengths, and easily bend to the others area of authority. Sometimes we even work together in pairs.

Take for example getting dressed each morning. Vanity and Sensibility often work together on this to pick an outfit that is both attractive and suits the day’s activity. They are a good team. Let’s say I am feeling svelte one morning. Well then Sensibility will concede to any apparel decision Vanity may arrive at. But let’s just say I’ve had chocolate cake and beer all weekend - Vanity sits quietly while we select something a bit more blousy.
One can argue that in such a case Sensibility is really being vain in trying to cover up any weekend indiscretion in diet, so perhaps it’s not really all Sensibilities decision… and thus arguing may ensue. The decision usually stands, but someone needs to get credit.
Of course it doesn’t end there. What if something goes wrong? Such as when Vanity selects white shorts for a picnic and then there is a spill – well doncha know Conscience steps in to point the finger every time…

So here we are, we three – riding around on the tractor this weekend. And boy was there a raucous lawn discussion going on. Each had such a good point that we actually left it at a stand still and went inside to watch football instead.
Here is our dilemma. Vanity wants to fertilize. In fact, it was Vanities decision to get the fertilizer without the weed-killer so that we could over apply thus achieving a better greening effect.
Sensibility, on the other hand, wants to stop spending all this money on the lawn.
And Conscience knows that if we decided not to fertilize we may later regret this decision.
Conscience also knows there is a possibility of regretting the money spent as well. So you see – our tie breaker Conscience is not helping at all.

Which is why we decided to go in and watch football – where immediately Vanity wanted a beer and Conscience had to remind Vanity, yet again, about the repercussions of beer drinking on our diet… when Sensibility steps in and has the audacity to say she wants a piece of bread – BREAD the other two scream… you must be joking!

It’s a wonder I get anything done at all really.

[1] Id
In Psychoanalytical theory, the part of the personality which contains our primitive impulses such as sex, anger, and hunger. The id doesn't care about reality, about the needs of anyone else, only its own satisfaction.
The part of the personality which maintains a balance between our impulses (id) and our conscience (superego). The ego is based on the reality principle. The ego understands that other people have needs and desires and that sometimes being impulsive or selfish can hurt us in the long run.
The Superego is the moral part of us and develops due to the moral and ethical restraints placed on us by our caregivers. Many equate the superego with the conscience as it dictates our belief of right and wrong.


teresa said...

I know a facility that probably has a bed available.

SassyFemme said...

I think there's one more player at work here, Patience of a Saint, aka your wife!

Val said...

Weese, this post was a masterpiece. Seriously - brava!

However, you might need to go talk to someone....

Anonymous said...

she IS talking to someone Val....two other someones...and arguing with them! hmmmm Isn't your daughter a shrink Weese?

Maria said...

Just make sure you talk quietly in your head and not out loud like the guy I see every day outside of the courthouse. He has a running argument with himself and can never seem to get anywhere...