How Showtime broke my heart

Look - let's be frank here, most everything on television today is just awful.
C'mon - admit it.
Even if you are addicted to it. It’s bad.
I mean… some people are addicted to Big Macs, right? Well, this proves you can be addicted to crap.

That said - we have been pleased to find some clever, entertaining programming on the big cable networks. While it's not Emerson - it's not Dancing with the Stars or C.S.I. AnyTown.

Nurse Jackie has been a delight this year. I have enjoyed the last several seasons of Weeds, Dexter and of course the classics - Sopranos, 6 Feet Under.

Even though it had its critics, I have always been a staunch supporter of the LWord.
So many middle American lesbians complained that it was too far fetched and that these gorgeous women couldn't possibly represent our population. Which is of course exactly what I loved about the show.
It's why I watch television.
Think about it.. do you live next door to Tony Soprano, how about Nancy Botwin or how about Dexter Morgan (well I suppose that’s somewhat possible in a scary, freaky way).

No.

It's TV people. Why watch real life on TV? If you want to watch real life, get the hell out of your armchair.

So... Showtime has now come out with a new show called The 'Real' LWord.
The show claims to be about 'real' lesbians living in Los Angeles.
I was skeptical - but hopeful. It is cable, after all.

So we watched last night.

Keeping in mind the things I loved about the original show -- which were its impossibly attractive cast, the outlandish predicaments they got themselves into, and the tangled web of sex, love and well....sex -- I am sorry to report that I can't even begin to critique this show.

It's simply overwhelming.

I will tell you this. We pressed 'Stop' followed by 'Delete' less than half way through the first show.

Could it be the universe telling me to get the hell out of my armchair?
I'll take that hint.

more reality TV... really... I mean really

People - please stop watching this trash on television, making it so popular that they continue to come out with ideas one more stupid than the other.

Only we can make a difference.

Open your windows, pick up your TV and heave it right out the window.
(for those of you with large screen HD TV's - you may need to open the door).

You must realize we are a few seasons away from The Running Man* -- don't you?




*...the novel describes a science fiction dystopia where market capitalism and television game shows have spiraled out of control...

the pregnant pause

I cannot stand reality TV.
O sure... I thought Survivor was nifty -- when it began ten years ago.

But now reality TV makes me want to toss the big backlit box out into the driveway.
Yes, I could just turn it off and walk away - but I am weak and clearly addicted.

You see we have this routine, and I am all about routine.

Each evening my cuddly wife and I retire to our suite to ready ourselves for rest. This inevitably happens 10 minutes or so before the hour. During this time I switch on the TV in preparation to begin some carefully selected show that will be used for the sole purpose of setting the sleepy-timer to.
For the 10 minutes or so before our show on the Great Pyramids, or Mega Movers (a weese fave) or perhaps Animal Cops comes on, there are the final moments in a myriad of REALity TV shows.

It seems to me - granted I don't actually watch the shows -- that every single one of them ends with this cliche, irritating pause before they 'reveal' the big outcome to the nervous contestant.

You know this pause. Maybe once a long time ago - it felt new and clever and left you on the edge of your seat. But seriously, how many times can a pause like this be effective, certainly its no longer gripping.

The host will lead with some ubiquitous unfinished sentence... some examples are (but not limited to):
"The audience voted and ..."
"The amount is..."
"The winner is..."
The camera then pans to the nervously awaiting contestant... and there
we

P
A
U
S
E

And so as quickly as I can I grasp for the remote, fumbling with the buttons only to switch to another channel with another host doing the same stupid pause with a different, yet frighteningly identical set of moronic contestants.

Why oh why do I not toss the thing out the window.

Reality is not on TV

People - it's a show. It's entertainment. It is not real and never will be. If you think you are watching something real - you need to get out of the house more often.

I abhor reality TV. It's why I liked the LWord right from the start -- when you were all complaining about how UNreal it was -- that's exactly its allure. That's what makes it entertainment. Because I don't live in a town where my UPS delivery person is a hot 20 something who will most likely sleep with me every time I get a package. I am watching to be entertained.

My latest rant is based on a commercial I saw just last night for the yet more crap in the reality genre.
Loosely -- it's about millionaires disguising themselves as regular folk and hanging out with poor people. In the end, they reveal themselves and give away piles of money they apparently don't really need. Everyone cries - fade to commercial.

If you even think the word philanthropist I may have to slap you.

Philanthropy is the act of donating money, goods, services, time and/or effort to support a socially beneficial cause, with a defined objective and with no financial or material reward to the donor.

How can giving be altruistic when 10 million people are watching you do it. Applauding you. Thinking how great you are.

Don't misunderstand. I am not advocating the anonymous donor. There is nothing wrong with helping someone and actually seeing the appreciation in their eyes and feeling the warmth of their hug. Even telling the story to a friend - no harm in that.
But in front of a viewing audience... cue the crying.
Because people - this is just sad.