I am not sure if I can get this across in a blog entry.
This is more of a conversation we should have over the dining room table - with cocktails and finger foods. Where I can look at you and you at me and I can use my hands and eyes and inflections to express myself.
Alas, you are not here and I really want to tell you about this - so bear with me.
My adoring wife and I have been together for over 23 years. We have raised two children, several dogs and cats, some fish, and a couple of lizards. We have lived in the same house for 21 of these years, and have painted each room... several times.
We are truly and utterly in love. We are best friends. We are very different. We are very happy.
When the Civil Union bill passed several years ago - my excited wife became a Justice of the Peace. It's been a truly wonderful experience for her to share in so many joyous Unions. She comes home from each ceremony welling with joy. I have been privileged as well to see some of you Unioned.
We are moved by each and every one.
When this bill was passed we were preparing our second child for college, and we made a conscience decision to hold off on our own Civil Union until after he was done with school -- specifically for the financial aid forms. It was our little way of getting back at the system.
Well our son is a junior now, and we were already planning to 'Unionize' next year --and then we heard the Marriage bill had passed.
Yay. So now we’ll be ‘Married’ instead. This is nice.
Ahh.. but over the course of this past week I have to admit… I have been feeling a bit… well… emotional (in the most pragmatic way that I can of course).
Intellectually, I have always understood that a Civil Union would give us the same (state, that is) legal rights as marriage. But what I didn't realize - that in my heart … I never gave it as much weight.
No really… I had no idea that I truly felt this way. That it wasn’t just rhetoric.
Civil Union, after all, is a legal, binding commitment - and yet some how… for me… it was not gelling. I wasn’t giving it the weight it deserved (or did it).
Today I am sitting and thinking about actually marrying the woman I love, and what that truly means. Literally I am welling up as I type – and frankly I am surprising myself.
When I come into work after our ceremony - I must notify my employer that I am now 'Married'.
When I fill out my taxes - I will be 'Married'.
When I go to the doctor and fill in the forms - I will no longer be forced to check the 'Single' box.
There won't be any question or difference or confusion.
I won't be ‘in a Civil Union’.
I can simply check :
[ ] Single
[x] Married
[ ] Divorced
[ ] Widowed
This feels very different - and I don't mean that in the political “I want to fight for my rights way” -- I mean ... emotionally, spiritually, passionately.
I will be married.
I will be a married woman.
After 23 years of calling this adorable, sexy, playful, intelligent, free-spirited woman my wife... she actually will be.
Thank you to the folks at GLAD and LMF and to the couples that participated in the lawsuit, and to the legions that supported them, and to the Connecticut Supreme Court for making a sound and fair judgment.
20 comments:
Aww Weese, my eyes started to well up just by reading this.
You and your wife are so obviously in love and make a very beautiful couple. I rememebr thinking that that day at Sassy's house.
I'm so happy for you. That your union will be a marriage. The same as the rest of the people around you.
This ruling has shaken me too. I am truly grateful for those who were out there fighting this fight so that we can be considered equal under CT state law.
I am looking forward to checking off the "[]married" box myself.
Missed you both last night! Saw your name tags and got excited, but then heard that the wife was under the weather. Hope she's feeling better!
Its just brilliant isn't it?
I just hope that the DC folks get influenced by it all and marriage comes through down here as well...
Comes across loud and clear. Bravura.
I couldn't have said it any better... feel EXACTLY the same way. I wanted MARRIAGE. period. And I've had tears in my eyes on more than one occassion over the past week since hearing this news, at the thought of planning the wedding, knowing that it will be 'official' and that she will be my wife and I hers. sigh.
oh happy day.
I am so happy for you. It's so exciting.
And I think you did a fantastic job at articulating your feelings. I get it. I feel it.
I'm speechless!! I'm so happy for the two of you. If only ALL couples, both straight and gay, had the love and respect for one another as the two of you do, what a place this world would be.
I loved reading this.
Thank you writing this!
I also am happy to check off married!
Though I'm so distrustful of our government I can't let it soak in until I know that the constitutional convention is turned down on Nov. 4th.
I just have this waiting for the other shoe to drop feeling ...
I hate it.
...sigh...
I am so happy for you! congrats!
Simply wonderful! Treasure the feeling.
My wife & I (of 25 years) felt exactly the same. Here are some photos of our most excellent day... (http://www.flickr.com/photos/leahbrooks/sets/72157605875456894)
best wishes for a wonderful wedding!
Isn't it great? Congrats to you both.
you made me cry.
it's beautiful and it's important. Marriage. It's very important and I agree, so much more than a piece of paper.
Congrats to you both :)
We're getting married Saturday. Thanks for saying what you said. Makes me really glad some of us get to do this. :)
I love it when you're warm and fuzzy
I have never seen a couple look at each other as lovingly and adoringly as you two do. The love you have for each other radiates from within each of you. I am so thrilled that you two will be married not just in your hearts, but legally.
You made my day...it gives me hope.
aw, very sweet!
Yep, it's a grand thing, marriage. I'm glad that at your age you are taking it seriously.
Here in California, we've had the option since June to get married. We specifically decided to wait until one of our other anniversary dates so we'd have one LESS date to remember.
After 17+ years of living a married life, a 1/2 dozen of being "Registered Domestic Partners" and 4 years being married in our congregation, we finally went down, got our marriage license at the county office and had our clergy "finish the job they started" with us 4 years ago.
All the things you posted, I felt yesterday. The realization that OMG, I am MARRYING the woman I love, have loved, will continue to love and it is MARRIAGE. Not civil union, not Domestic Partner, not just a commitment, but MARRIAGE. The word means a lot. So much that we both started to panic yesterday. Not for anything other than neither of us had either been legally married. At 40 years of age, this dog CAN do new things!
We have done a number of things today, most of them while giggling like newlyweds. Every so often, one of us would turn and said "ya know what? we're doing X (like going to get coffee) for the first time as a LEGALLY MARRIED COUPLE!". All of these things are the same things we have done together as a couple for more than 17 years, but there is something exciting, new and different today. The State of California recognizes that we are married.
Amazingly enough, the world has not ceased to exist just because we got married yesterday. Imagine that!
We only hope that the bigots from outside of California who put Proposition 8 on the ballot do not succeed in legislating hatred in our state. While our marriage should still remain legal, there will be challenges to our legal status.
I personally look FORWARD to going to the doctor's office and checking MARRIED. ;-)
Congrats to you and every one of "us" who gets married legally, finally.
congratulations trish!
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