It's only a matter of time

We have had some melting here so the snow depths are lessening. Just after the melting came a deep freeze.
We woke up the other morning to a balmy -5°.
That freeze solidified the damp, packed snow into a couple of feet of ice.

This ice is now solid enough to hold up a person - or say... a large dog.
Our large FREE dog has figured that out and is quite pleased not to have be doing her business in the man made paths anymore.

I wonder tho - how long it will take her to figure out the fence is essentially less than two feet tall now.

Fear

Is your dog afraid of the vacuum?
Our FREE dog is. Very.
She will do anything to get away from it once we power it up. Her fear is so deep rooted that she cowers when I just carry it through the room.

So we came up with this great idea to solve the problem of her sleeping on the sofa.

Fear can work as a motivational tool.

We used to call the vacuum the Storm Trooper, now we call it Our Sentry.

Houston...

ok so here's the problem.

It seems the FREE dog has decided after 7 years of being on her best indoor behavior - that our furniture is her new cozy spot to sleep.
She has never been allowed on the furniture, and has never shown a desire to be there.
So now...why... after 7 years?

For example, my animal loving wife and I went upstairs Sunday night at around 10:30 expecting to get into our bed with freshly washed flannel sheets.
As my sleepy wife rounded the corner into our room - all I heard was "uh-o".

It seems that not only had the FREE dog napped in our fresh sheets, but evidently also had an upset stomach at the time.

I realize it is times like this when it's most important to remain in a calm state of acceptance. I understand that my reaction will not in any way change or remedy the situation. And so as I surveyed the damaged, I paused and drew in a deep cleansing breath...
I found this breath quite useful when I let it out... screaming obscenities at the dog.
O well.

Ok so ... we'll close the bedroom door - ALL the time. Easy enough.

We have also discovered that she has been sleeping on the sofa. Also a no-no.
Since we cannot close off the living room, we have been putting 'things' on the furniture before we leave for work in the morning.
Yesterday I put an ottoman and a small table on the sofa.

Last evening after work I saw this:
Notice the precarious tilt to the ottoman. I found this curious.

Upon closer inspection...


We have a problem.

Of mice and women

Friday evening, after working out in the yard and doing some house cleaning, I sat comfortably in an arm chair we have in the corner of the dining room.
We were expecting company later that night, so I sat chatting with my busy wife who was in the kitchen preparing various food items.

Suddenly, around the kitchen corner and into the dining room --- comes a very small mouse.

Yes. A mouse.

I did what any red blooded American woman should do upon sighting a mouse, I picked up my feet.
Then calmly explained the situation to my curious wife. And when I say ‘calmly’ I mean that I shrieked “A mouse!” shaking my finger wildly in its general direction.

The mouse rounded the corner and scampered under a chair in the living room.
Hmm.
Now what.

We both stood there staring at the chair.
What to do, what to do…

As humans I figured we had very little chance of actually catching the mouse ourselves. So we called the FREE dog into the room.
Our attempts to get her to look around for rodents were futile. She simply ran around excitedly thinking we were going to give her a biscuit or let her out or throw a ball.
Useless.
Clearly we needed an animal with a brain.
We needed a cat.

Technically, we have a cat. But it would be easier for me to catch a greased mouse with my bare hands than to get our feral cat into our living room

We briefly considered borrowing a cat... The Daughter The Therapist has two - certainly she could lend one… but it would take time for the cat to acclimate, and get comfortable in the house before even beginning to hunt. And we didn’t have a lot of time.

Ok. useless FREE dog, AWOL FREE cat – clearly we would need a trap.

I had recently tossed out our last ‘humane’ mouse trap.
Figures.
So I went out in search of one.
I was on my third store, – with no hope of getting a humane trap anywhere local… dismayed I purchased a standard ‘quick-kill’ trap.

At the checkout my cell phone buzzed.
Maw: “You can come home now”
Weese: “I can? What happened?”
Maw: “I let him out.”
Weese: “out?"
Maw: "Yes, out the door."
Weese: "How did you get him to go out the door?"
Maw: “I told him to.”

Hmm.

So I went home.
My gentle wife explained that the mouse circled the whole first floor and wound up near the kitchen door. So she simply opened the door for him and gave him a little nudge and out he went. She said he was clearly just a baby mouse and rather cute and confused.

Hmm.
Don’t mice have lots of babies?

Against my beliefs I thought it best to set the ‘quick-kill’ trap in the basement, just in case there were more babies. With no cat, a useless dog and company on the way... I felt it was best.

My curious wife questioned why I would put the trap in the basement. This mouse was clearly a baby…and much too small to climb stairs.

Hmm. Really…

Just the thought of the little guy… trying to make his little way up the steep basement stairs… I realized there was no way I could actually set out a ‘quick-kill’ trap. I sheepishly put it back in the box.

I decided to finish up my tidying so I started up the stairs to get the vacuum – and stopped dead in my tracks.

“Umm-- love, it seems baby mice can climb stairs.”

There on the top step was …yes… another tiny mouse.

Hmm.

He was obviously scared, and simply froze, never trying to escape. We easily popped a little cup over him and escorted him waaaayyy out in the back yard.

We explained to him that he would have a wonderful happy time there – plenty of friends, including the little pet lizards which we had released out there so many years ago...

Back in the house we waited and watched.
We are still watching.
No mice yet.

Tho, I still think we need more cats.

weekend guest

We had a visitor this weekend.

This is Sophie.

Our daughter and her beau spent a weekend seaside so Sophie stayed with us.

The FREE dog seemed pleased to have some company.


I, on the other hand, learned an important lesson.

You see, oh-- so many years ago I got in the habit of calling my adorable wife 'mommy' when referring to her when we were with the kids.
I might say,
"Go ask mommy."
or perhaps
"Tell mommy you're hungry."
See.

Welp... with Sophie - our daughter is mommy. My adorable,yet aging-gracefully wife would then be something like grammy. All weekend I kept correcting myself when talking to the cat. Such as, "Mommy... I mean Grammy is going to come clean your litter box." or "Mommy...argh... I mean Grammy is getting your cat food." Evidently, its a hard habit to break.

Now - this is all very minor in the grand scheme of things. I mean sheesh... its only a cat.

But... what about when its not just a cat.

Luckily, Sophie is coming to stay with us again later this season. I can practice more then.

Searching for a solution

what to do what to do when one has rats....

As we do with all decisions in our household, the first order of business is to get a cocktail and sit down (preferably in the location of the problem) and discuss the details of the situation and list possible solutions.

The 'situation' in this case was not just rats. We have an ever growing chipmunk population in most of the yard surrounding the house and have seen evidence of mice in the garage and basement.

Possible solutions included but was not limited to:

• Trap and Release - the most humane, tho our success rate is limited (ok... practically non-existent)
• Bait and Kill Traps - neither of us like this solution
• Poison - nope nope... just nasty - can't do it
• Professional Exterminator - hmm, they will most likely use one of the solutions we have already decided against. Doesn't make it any better if someone else is doing the execution. Plus, there is the cost to consider
• Setting out a giant vat of beer - I was thinking they would fall in and drown ... happily drunk, kinda pleasant. (could be the result of discussing over cocktails)
• The Circle of Life - aha!

Tho the giant vat of beer did have my vote, my pragmatic wife thought a cat might make more sense.

A cat.

A cute, furry little cuddly cat.

This solution is not completely obstacle free:

1. The FREE dog
2. The cat will need to enjoy hunting in the great outdoors
3. Oh and... Ferris AND my pet-lovin wife are both VERY allergic to cats

Ok, we have issues - tho they are not insurmountable.

Clearly - some research is in order.

...to be continued

the 'organic' FREE dog

As I have mentioned, we here at the weese's are going organic.
We are making broad changes to many parts of our consumable lives.
My environmentally sound wife has been making smarter choices at the grocery store. We are both learning about using more vegetable based cleaning and personal products. As well as cutting off our addicted yard and garden from all the toxic substances we have been applying over the years. I imagine my grass going through detox, jonesin' for some Scott's.

Personally, I am diligently working on my own addiction -the perfect green lawn.
So far I am reacting calmly and agreeably to dandelions, crabgrass and large patches of dead lawn.
My mantra is 'its all vanity'.
Having the perfect lawn is nothing but my own vanity.

This weekend we all got a taste of the organic (some more than others)...
My organically inclined wife shopped at a farmers market where local organic farmers were selling meats, cheeses and greens.
At home, I weeded dandelions - by hand. And applied organic fertilizer to the lawn.

We got the seal of approval on our lawn products from the FREE dog who we had to keep calling into the house before she licked the ENTIRE lawn.

A tiny little hole in our hearts

I woke Sunday morning to find my early-rising wife at the table catching up on her March Madness standings.
I noticed in the garden next to the patio there were two squirrels busily eating up seeds and nuts and such. The FREE dog had not seen them yet – so I let them go about their business for awhile.
When I finally let her out she had her fun chasing them up a tree.
So the next time she whimpered to go out I assumed they had returned for more tasty nuts.
I watched as she darted out the door and then was horrified to see she was after a cat.
I ran out after her to call her off the poor thing. She rolled the cat once but the cat was able to get away and up a tree. Once I was finally able to get the FREE dog back into the house the cat jumped out of the tree and ran away.

Whew.

Not to long after that my worried wife called me out to the back yard. She told me she had just seen the FREE dog out in the yard and watched her ever so gently place something on the ground and then walk very slowly away.

We ran out to find a very tiny kitten.
Eyes still closed, but not freshly born – maybe a week or so old.
The kitten was breathing, tho labored.

We wrapped the little fluffy fellow in a towel and brought him in.
My now very worried wife went out to look for more. I consulted the Great And Powerful Internet for advice, the little orange kitten laying next to the laptop on the table snuggled in a hand towel.

We got some warm water to clean him up a bit. He had a wound – tho it didn’t look deep. The FREE dog must have been very gentle. I stroked his little head and he responded well to the attention.
I called a local emergency vet and got further advice on how to care for this very new very tiny little life.

As we coddled over him, my allergic-to-cats wife and I discussed how we would care for him over the coming weeks. I planned to bring him to the office so I could feed him several times during the day. We planned to get up every couple of hours for night feedings.
I whispered in his little furry ears that he was safe now and that he was home.

Despite our best efforts and noblest of intentions our little kitty died. Right there on the dining room table. We were comforted by the fact that he died with us, warm and loved – rather than out in the backyard in a pile of leaves.
My saddened wife named him Shere Kahn – for he was brave.

He has been laid to rest in our yard, right next to our other warrior.

Home alone

Recently, I was so happy to find out that dog hair we had found on the sofa was not from the big, smelly FREE dog sleeping there... she simply needed to hide her perfect, like new, never-been-chewed rawhide under the cushion.

Ah.. so foolishly relieved.

I came in from work yesterday evening to find the living room and dining room ransacked. Cushions and pillows all over the floor, blankets strewn about, a lamp tipped over, a picture fallen to the floor, tables askew, the rug bunched up...
It didn't take me too long to figure out that that the FREE dog had happily (or perhaps feverishly) spent the day finding a better hiding spot for her perfect, like new, never-been-chewed rawhide.

In case you need to know - after (I can only assume) trying every other place in the room, the rawhide was finally placed back under a different cushion on the sofa.

The FREE dog...is a dog.

Just about a month ago we discovered some dog hair on the sofa in the living room.
Oh…the horror of it.

Not surprisingly, I was not happy. This is not acceptable FREE dog behavior.

Well last week, while removing the slipcovers for washing I found a brand new, never been chewed rawhide hidden neatly under the sofa cushions.

This brought me great joy.
The FREE dog was NOT sleeping on the sofa – she merely needed to hide her toy there.
After washing and replacing the cushion covers I put the rawhide right back where I had found it.
There have been no further discoveries of dog hair on the sofa.

Yay.
We were back to having the perfect FREE dog (well… that is if you don’t mind the whole ‘not friendly with strangers’ thing…).

Until last night.
A major canine indiscretion.

Food taken from the counter.

We are simply not used to such behavior. We have kept plates of food out on the counter for over 6 years without worry.
We have even left food on the coffee table in the living room… unattended. And while it was carefully watched by the FREE dog, it was never touched.

I am dismayed.

My dog-loving wife points out that the FREE dog clearly waited until Ferris, the alpha dog, was satiated and had left the house before devouring his tasty, cheese-slathered meat.

This sort of behavior makes sense within a pack.
Except that weese is in this pack.

My constantly-cooking wife is already coming up with alternate game plans to leave food in more secure locations for the alpha dog. She keeps the whole pack happy.

a day off

I am off from work today.

I am puttering around the house and yard continuing the spring maintenance that my energetic wife and I started over the weekend.

This morning I scrubbing the wood porch floor and washing the siding on that side of the house (yes, I wash the house).
Evidently during this process I got the doorbell unusually wet.
Now its randomly ding-donging.

The FREE dog is going nuts.

Chapter 13 – Ranch Hands

(a sporadic continuation of the ‘FREE dog’ series)

Last night my sweet wife and I were catching up on several shows which we had recorded on our beloved DVR and flipping back and forth to the women’s games on ESPN.
Ah, Sunday night bliss.

Every so often I heard some noises from the direction of the kitchen. My clever wife pointed out that the FREE dog was in the kitchen guarding the chicken.
You see, the FREE dog would NEVER touch food on the counter however, she simply keeps an eye it.
She is as well behaved as they come.
And…since Ferris showed up unannounced this weekend my coddling wife made sure there was a ‘pot of something’ on the stove the entire time. Since Ferris is basically an eating machine – he can just take what he wants when he wants it.
The FREE dog is acutely aware of this system, and takes it upon herself to guard any food that may be left to fend for itself.
And so last night… since the chicken was sitting all by itself in the kitchen while we watched TV – it was the FREE dog’s job to remain by its side. We thought nothing of it.

When it was time for bed, I went to let the FREE dog out for her last pee of the night. This is our routine. She rarely actually leaves the stoop – because she knows when she comes in she will get a biscuit. I don’t really care that she doesn’t actually pee…she has never once had an accident in the house – so clearly she knows her own bladder.

However, when I went into the kitchen last night to find her - no dog... the chicken, forlorn and alone, on the stove.
Hmm.
I went upstairs.
No dog.
Hmm.

I vaguely remember letting her out earlier… tho we don’t really watch her when she goes out because the yard is well fenced. Had I left her out in the dark this entire time? …o dear! Poor thing.

I looked out the door… no dog.
Atho… she is a black dog and it was dark. As I went to call out to her, I heard the faintest little sound behind me at the side door.
The side door which leads to the driveway.
The driveway which is not surrounded by fence.

And there she was.
Waiting to come in.
Covered in mud.

This morning my clever wife found this.




And so we will walk the fence line.
Look for weak spots.
And begin to mend the fence.
.
.