a little something for everyone

I went to the bank today. The branch... you know where there are actual tellers and such.
I was cashing in rolls of quarters and proceeds from our tag sale, car wash and bake sale - to get a deposit check together for the new house we are going to own tomorrow.

It took the teller a few moments to gather the paper work and count all those quarters - so I was idly watching the TV screen over her head. Normally I eschew screens in places of business. I find them disturbing and bothersome.
But something struck me about this show.
It was CNBC and they were discussing some top trader type fellow who was leaving his company and going to another. Apparently, this was big news and causing much stir.

But what struck me was the set, the commentators, the backdrop - even the stuff running at the bottom. This literally could have been on ESPN, with the topic about any of the big time players moving to another team. Even their body language and conversation patterns were just the same as I had seen Ferris watch a million times on his sports channels.

I began to picture a room of young analysts in front a huge TV, swilling beer and snacking on chips and big meat sandwiches**. They would argue back and forth about the move... was it the right move, was the new company smart in paying so much at sign on, how would the old company recover.

Hey... whatever you're into.
It's just nice to know those boys have a show to watch too.


** ok, possibly they would be swilling martinis and munching on fancy crackers slathered in caviar. but I like my imagery better.

Putting technology in its place

My off-the-grid wife has been forwarding me articles about how bad my cell phones is for my health.
She tells me not to hold it against my head for too long and that I should not carry it on my body. When I pressed her on statistical result data she was not too positive what the actual long term effects might be.
So I now carry my cell phone exclusively in my front pants pocket.
I am hoping to discover a way to shorten menopause.

what would your super power be?

We were sitting around the table last night with Ferris and one of his friends enjoying a glass of Cabernet in the gloaming.
As often happens, the conversation drifted to what would you want your super power to be.

Ferris berated his friend, a petite flower of a girl - who thought being a fairy replete with pixie dust would be her choice. He said it was completely impractical.

Ferris wants to be able to turn his skin to steel - which he believes to be much more useful. Especially if say... there were zombies roaming around.
He also desires the ability to throw any object with precision accuracy and lethal force. Tho this he says is more of a practiced skill than an actual super power.

For my super power I chose a fast metabolism.

:)

i so dislike the grid

Last week I took down my Facebk page.
Sorry to all you people out there who love it.

I find it utter nonsense, best left to the high schoolers it was designed for.

I have heard many people say that they use it to keep in touch with family and friends, which is great -if that's what works for you.
I don't generally want to know what anyone is doing every minute. If I want to catch up with you I very much prefer to see you in person - speak to you, look into your eyes, wrap my arms around you - yes, I'm a hugger.

I certainly don't want people from my past dredging me up because they have nothing better to do than surf the web. If I wanted to stay in touch... well...

The whole friending/un-friending thing sounds simply ghastly.

So its gone.

You can still get in touch with us in several ways:

• We have a house phone and are listed in the phone book. That phone has an answering machine. If we are not home - please leave us a message.


• I actually have a cell phone (my way-off-the-grid wife does not) tho I use that primarily for work. If I am not at work or travelling its most likely in a drawer - and so I would advise sticking to the house phone.


• Please feel free to post a letter to me. How I miss letters.


• I also respond to email, as I am not completely off the grid. I rather like email in that I can read it when I get around to it, and can respond at my leisure. It's not unlike a letter in my mail box, except less tactile. Keep in mind - I don't usually check email on the weekends.
  
  Ah but there is always the house phone...

Of mice and women

Friday evening, after working out in the yard and doing some house cleaning, I sat comfortably in an arm chair we have in the corner of the dining room.
We were expecting company later that night, so I sat chatting with my busy wife who was in the kitchen preparing various food items.

Suddenly, around the kitchen corner and into the dining room --- comes a very small mouse.

Yes. A mouse.

I did what any red blooded American woman should do upon sighting a mouse, I picked up my feet.
Then calmly explained the situation to my curious wife. And when I say ‘calmly’ I mean that I shrieked “A mouse!” shaking my finger wildly in its general direction.

The mouse rounded the corner and scampered under a chair in the living room.
Hmm.
Now what.

We both stood there staring at the chair.
What to do, what to do…

As humans I figured we had very little chance of actually catching the mouse ourselves. So we called the FREE dog into the room.
Our attempts to get her to look around for rodents were futile. She simply ran around excitedly thinking we were going to give her a biscuit or let her out or throw a ball.
Useless.
Clearly we needed an animal with a brain.
We needed a cat.

Technically, we have a cat. But it would be easier for me to catch a greased mouse with my bare hands than to get our feral cat into our living room

We briefly considered borrowing a cat... The Daughter The Therapist has two - certainly she could lend one… but it would take time for the cat to acclimate, and get comfortable in the house before even beginning to hunt. And we didn’t have a lot of time.

Ok. useless FREE dog, AWOL FREE cat – clearly we would need a trap.

I had recently tossed out our last ‘humane’ mouse trap.
Figures.
So I went out in search of one.
I was on my third store, – with no hope of getting a humane trap anywhere local… dismayed I purchased a standard ‘quick-kill’ trap.

At the checkout my cell phone buzzed.
Maw: “You can come home now”
Weese: “I can? What happened?”
Maw: “I let him out.”
Weese: “out?"
Maw: "Yes, out the door."
Weese: "How did you get him to go out the door?"
Maw: “I told him to.”

Hmm.

So I went home.
My gentle wife explained that the mouse circled the whole first floor and wound up near the kitchen door. So she simply opened the door for him and gave him a little nudge and out he went. She said he was clearly just a baby mouse and rather cute and confused.

Hmm.
Don’t mice have lots of babies?

Against my beliefs I thought it best to set the ‘quick-kill’ trap in the basement, just in case there were more babies. With no cat, a useless dog and company on the way... I felt it was best.

My curious wife questioned why I would put the trap in the basement. This mouse was clearly a baby…and much too small to climb stairs.

Hmm. Really…

Just the thought of the little guy… trying to make his little way up the steep basement stairs… I realized there was no way I could actually set out a ‘quick-kill’ trap. I sheepishly put it back in the box.

I decided to finish up my tidying so I started up the stairs to get the vacuum – and stopped dead in my tracks.

“Umm-- love, it seems baby mice can climb stairs.”

There on the top step was …yes… another tiny mouse.

Hmm.

He was obviously scared, and simply froze, never trying to escape. We easily popped a little cup over him and escorted him waaaayyy out in the back yard.

We explained to him that he would have a wonderful happy time there – plenty of friends, including the little pet lizards which we had released out there so many years ago...

Back in the house we waited and watched.
We are still watching.
No mice yet.

Tho, I still think we need more cats.

Squirrelacide

Just mention squirrels this year and it seems every one concurs that they are going crazy around here.
The gathering and foraging is at an all time high – but then so is the mortality rate.
There are squished squirrels around every turn.
At first I attributed all the accidental deaths to the crazed preparation for the impending cold. I have read that when squirrels forage this early and fervently that it means we’ll have a hard winter. I assume there is alot of competition for those tasty, long lasting winter nuts and with that comes high anxiety. So I suppose a few casualties seems unavoidable.

That was until I witnessed the squirrelacide.

I was on my way into work one morning when I noticed the car up ahead brake as a squirrel ran across the road in front of it.
Whew, I thought – close call.

That’s when he turned around and ran right back across the road in front of my car.
WTH!
I looked in my rearview mirror and saw him sitting on the side of the road.
I imagine he was waiting for the next car to come along.

Is it the pressure of finding enough food that’s driving them to take their lives?
Perhaps the anxiety of the long hibernation makes it too hard to go on.
I suppose it could also be sport – tho they don’t seem too accomplished.

Ah, but the threat of a long hard winter can cause anxiety… even madness.
We have been stocking up on firewood since August; we’ve got piles and piles of it with another cord on the way.
But if you see me start to run across traffic for sticks – could you give my patient wife a call and ask her to up my meds?

55

Did you know that driving 55mph saves gas?
No, really...it does.

If you drive alot, it can save you quite a bit actually.

Apparently, I am the only one who knows this... or cares.



--

Conversation with Ferris:
weese: "I have read that driving 55 will save gas."
Ferris: "That's correct - 55 is the optimal speed for gas savings... on any road."

Neil Sedaka... he knows

Breaking up is hard to do.
Especially when it's been so long.
I can't say it's any one thing. Maybe a series of small things, maybe I've changed, maybe it's things I have heard. I dunno.

It's over tho.
I am moving on.
I have already planned to meet someone else.
But... as with any breakup - there are some loose ends I need to tie up.

I am going to do it on the phone.
I will call today to tell him I am going to start seeing a woman, and would he be so kind as to send my things... to her.

This will be first for me. My whole life I've chosen men. But it's time to change and I am looking forward to meeting her and having her examine --- my teeth.

super fat

Its big, it’s huge, it’s ginormous
It's TUESDAY!

As is customary on Fat Tuesday my festive wife adorned me with beads as I left for work this morning (with a requisite flash).

And I am also announcing my support for Barack Obama. Ya know… cuz when say …Oprah or the Kennedy’s endorse a candidate it creates quite the stir.

TV tonight

Hmm ... writers strike?

Breakfast with friends

Am I the only one who is completely freaked out by talking breakfast cereal?

Have you seen the new ads for Frosted Mini-Wheats?
They feature little talking mini-wheats guys. These little wheats carry on converstations with a kid - usually giving him some wordly advice on why eating a better breakfast is so important.

There is one commercial where the little wheats advise the young adolescent that by having a nutrional breakfast he will perform better at school.
There is another where a group of little wheats are taking a 'bath' of sorts in hot milk. In this commercial the camera pans back as the little wheats saunter away from the cereal bowl clad in towels and flipflops - while the kid devours his breakfast.

Um...hello... he is eating the little wheat guys...

Are we to believe that the remaining wheat guys in the bowl are not animated? That these poor wheats are simply shredded grains with no brains? And that the ones with brains were smart enough to leap from the bowl before being devoured?

How is this not completly horrifying to children?

Jeep chick

I drove the Jeep to work yesterday.
It's a great responsibility. There is much to do when driving the Jeep.
First, I have to shift. I don't really understand why anyone would actually choose a standard transmission - but my rugged wife always has. So I have learned to drive them.
Then I have to constantly be watching for the 'Jeep wave'.
Evidently, people who drive Wranglers wave at each other.
All the time.
It's like a Jeep code.
So I feel its my responsibility to participate when I am driving her Jeep.
Finally, as if that's not enough,
I snapped a picture of the Knight who says 'Ni'. Jeeps are great for bobble heads, and with oversized tires - there is much bobble action.



This morning on my way to work I waved at someone in a Jeep. I was a bit dismayed they didn't wave back.
Then I realized I was in my Cabrio.

Femme Fatale

Ladies, ladies, ladies...
how do you do it?


The Sister-In-Law is marrying The Brother-In-Law this Sunday. We are all very excited.
So as part of my wedding accoutrement (yes.. blatent over use of one of my favorite words) I have been growing my nails. The will look FABulous with my outfit. I am wearing black and silver... it's Tahari... I am having my hair cut on Thursday, eyebrows done Friday... wait till you see the shoes.
I am so down with that whole butch-femme thing.

But Oh. MY. Goodness... the nails are making me INsane.

First, there is the maintenance. I have been keeping them polished - because it keeps them strong and frankly at this length I think it looks better.
The time commitment for painting nails is ridiculous. We can put a man on the moon but it takes HOW long for nail polish to dry(flawlessly)? At least when I am painting ...say the garage doors... I can go do something else while I wait for the paint to dry.
But this... THIS requires I do absolutely nothing for the entire dry time. One slip-up and the entire finish is ruined. Do you have any idea how impossible it is to keep weese still for any more than 10 minutes? I have a very short attention span.

Ok so there's that...

Then you have to deal with them just being there. Typing becomes a chore, the remote control takes concentration, and dialing my cell phone is simply silly to watch. Not to mention trying to use hand tools or even just chores around the house.

My Monday morning... a nice tall mimosa, perhaps a breakfast scone, and the nail clippers.

Back to School

This is that week where they lift the sales tax so folks can get all their back to school shopping done.

Personally... I would rather pay the tax than deal with the crowds this is going to generate.

cha ching

I have no time for blogging.
I am buried in Quicken.
You know Quicken, that silly software program to help you figure out and subsequently track why you have no money in your wallet.

Well I am sucked in. I have just downloaded all my transactions since January '07, and I am categorizing them now.
I was hoping to be able to determine how much money we are spending on things like utilities, clothes and of course Ferris.
Instead, I find it's absolutely REMARKABLE how much money we have spent at the liquor store.

I do really like the whole categorizing thing... this should surprise no one.
I also really like that little cha-ching sound wave every time I enter a transaction. I wish my wallet made that sound every time I took out my debit card.

Outdated

While sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office last week I picked up O magazine.
Oprah had an article in this issue written by some 'light in the loafers' (not that there's anything wrong with that) kinda guy who listed several wardrobe no-no's.

He may as well have been standing in my closet.

Words

A picture is worth a thousand words.
Yet when I am in the elevator I only long for two.

Would they PLEASE just write words OPEN and CLOSE next to those ridiculous ‘universal’ symbols they use.

It cant’ just be me.

It happens all the time.
I get in the elevator and notice someone approaching just as the doors begin to close. I want to help. I reach out, finger poised, ready to save the day... and there I stall.

Staring at those stupid little graphics.
Completely helpless.
Not a clue.
The door closes.

Tidy

I just got back from having my eyebrows ‘done’.
I go to this little place in town called Oscar. They probably meant to say Oscar’s but the folks there don’t really speak English so I can’t really fault them for their lack of the possessive apostrophe.
My woman today was a new one. She was just a petite flower of a woman… quiet and calm yet confident in her mastery of eyebrow waxing.

I am actually new to the eyebrow waxing routine. As a teen I painstakingly used tweezers. As I got older I basically did nothing except the bare minimum…which was basically to keep them from growing together. But my new eyebrow place was recommended to me by someone well-trusted and equally fastidious (you may draw apple/tree conclusions as you wish).

I believe it was the first time that Ferris shaved his head

when he started to feel his eyebrows were …well as he put it ‘old man brows’.


And so he checked with various girls at school for the best place to correct this.
He found Oscar.
He has been going regularly ever since.
He likes to get it done when he gets a hair cut, which he does at a different place. He is that particular.
They just love him over there. I am sure he must have been the only high school jock to frequent their shop.

As for me, I am pleased with my results. I look tidy.

The Italian-Stallion

Ferris and his grandfather have been doing some landscaping work together this past week. After Pop-Pop retired a few years back he modified his pick-up to be a dump truck and has since been delivering small loads of mulch and soil.
And now that he’s got a big, strapping grandson – he is taking on some small scale landscaping work.

I dropped Ferris off at Pop-Pop’s house this morning … it’s on my way to work and …well… Ferris is currently without a car.

I sat in front of the house for a moment this morning …and the only thing I could think of was – please, please just shoot me if I suddenly become enamoured with stick on letters.
You know the ones – they are vinyl and come in ALL CAPS, and all shiny and sparkly.
They are generally used for say… mailboxes and house numbers. But, OH, the possibilities!

Pop-pop has used them all over the back of his big red truck.

In addition to his name and number, it says things like:
‘THE MULCH MAN’
and
‘GITTR DONE’

I can’t decide whether the fact that they are not aligned or spaced properly adds to …or detracts from the look.

This morning I also noticed he is started to write little sayings on the house.
He’s got this Sox banner hanging on the screened porch and next to it has printed in 3” golden block letters ‘LINE DRIVE’.
I have no idea of why… I am sure there’s a story.

This is the curse of the retired Italian man. First they start to ‘letter’ things – then comes plastic lawn animals, this inevitably leads to homemade wine and leather sandals with black socks.

So while our son may enjoy a full head of hair well into old age – vinyl letters are his destiny.

Horticultural Identification

Anyone know how to properly identify Papaver Somniferum?

I am just curious.

...no really