wisdom

Our dear friend the Rabbi will reply to the question:
"How are you?"
with
"I am only as happy as my least happy child."

This is a deep truth.

It could explain our dizzying joy.

Ferris has landed a job.
A good job.

No longer will he be pouring cocktails at night and slogging around A/C duct work during the day.
Rather he'll sport a suit, and get on a train, and get off at Wall Street.

Bubba

It's not his name, tho honestly I can't remember how I came to start calling him that. But for so many years now he's been Bubba to me.

Bubba is my brother.
My older brother.

So close in age, it always surprises me that our earliest memories don't seem to match. The result of a brother and sister's individual interpretations of their childhoods I suppose... or at least I hope. We joke about been raised by different families.

Bubba and I were not really close as kids. We were very different with different friends and interests. Tho we were not combative either. We argued rarely and were never rough with each other.

In high school, only 1 year apart, our paths grew even farther from each other. I was popular and on the wild side (ok - far to that side). He was quiet and kept to himself a bit. I was considered the smart one - but really more clever than smart. Mom gave him a hard time about his grades and his unkempt room and all sorts of other nonsense.

When it came time for college we were both expected to attend the private university where our father had been a well respected professor. We had free rides and free reign with a great head start from faculty who still remembered our father fondly over a dozen years after his death.

Bubba went off to school first - but it didn't click for him. His poor high school grades confirmed by his failure to thrive at college.
A year later I left for the same school, leaving Bubba behind living at home.

But Bubba was anything but dumb. With no education he landed himself a job as a case worker. He literally talked himself into a career, a field he works in to this day. Like his father, he is well respected in his work, and liked by his coworkers for his amiable attitude and great sense of humor.

At some point during his adult life Bubba came to realize his earlier difficulties were caused by dyslexia. Finally an answer to what hindered him from being able to muddle his way through reading and writing and learning all those years. Not even he understood why it was just so hard for him. So hard for him to learn and prepare and present - so hard for him, while I skated through barely even going to class and bringing excellent grades home. Even as a young person I realized how frustrating that must have been for him.

But like a blind person might - he learned to compensate. He honed a perfect memory. He absorbed like a sponge. If he heard it once, not only could he remember it and understand it but he could connect and expand on several things based on relation information - pulling it all together. He was like a walking encyclopedia, or perhaps more accurately - a database, and he loved to talk and share. Please note, that as his sister this was more annoying than impressive.

This amazing gift was primarily overlooked. It's simply what got him through life. It helped him advance his career. It helped him fit.

Bubba loved to learn. He lived to learn. I believe if it were not for his disability, or even perhaps if he had been diagnosed - he may have become a scholar. One of those 'professional students', maybe even a professor like his dad.
And at some point he came to realize that an education was actually very important to him.
So once again - he overcame.

Bubba got a diploma.

He found an amazing university doing a progressive degree program which catered to folks with jobs trying to advance their educations. It's a non-traditional adult learning program - tho more intense than most.
Since it was so personalized - the learning experience could be tweaked to his dyslexic limitations. And there he soared.

Not only did he graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Human Development - but Bubba was the keynote speaker as well.

He was eloquent, and funny and touching.

We overheard a professor ask him if he had memorized his words. He spoke with such confidence and poise and it was quite evident he was not reading from a paper.
In true character - he simply chuckled and replied to the professor that he had a written speech but he was not really sure where he laid it down last, surely it must be somewhere...

His wife quietly whispered to us - that in fact he spoke exactly what he had written, as she had read his speech earlier this week.

That's my big brother Bubba.
He is his father's son.
He is a scholar.

Mom would be so proud.

what would your super power be?

We were sitting around the table last night with Ferris and one of his friends enjoying a glass of Cabernet in the gloaming.
As often happens, the conversation drifted to what would you want your super power to be.

Ferris berated his friend, a petite flower of a girl - who thought being a fairy replete with pixie dust would be her choice. He said it was completely impractical.

Ferris wants to be able to turn his skin to steel - which he believes to be much more useful. Especially if say... there were zombies roaming around.
He also desires the ability to throw any object with precision accuracy and lethal force. Tho this he says is more of a practiced skill than an actual super power.

For my super power I chose a fast metabolism.

:)

In other news

more happenings from the break

This strapping young man not only turned 22 - but ....

kids

It seems like so many new blogs I encounter these days are young lesbians trying to have babies. Why-o-why do all these lesbians want children - don't they realize how expensive college is these days?

Ok ok... the rewards may outweigh expenses... for example -perhaps one day, far in the future - you're 21 year old may roll out of bed... rather late one Sunday morning, possibly a little hung over, and tell you to get in the car cuz you are taking him to a movie... right now. A 3D movie. And he wants Milk Duds.

This is something you don't question. You simply put down whatever it is that you're doing and get in the car. Where he may already be sitting...waiting... revving your engine impatiently.

And when we ...the parents... start to bicker over what really is the superior movie snack, Milk Dud's or popcorn - he'll smile and say
"Ah.. now that's just how I remember it."
And of course - we get both.

That was our Sunday.
If he weren't 6 feet tall I'd swear he was 10.
Ahhh. Kids.

Today... he is lolling on a beach in the Bahamas swilling foofy cocktails, surrounded by scantily clad co-ed, waiting for the beer-chugging contest to begin.
Ahh. Spring Break.

we were supposed to be raking

The leaves were wet on Saturday.
And it was showering intermittently.

So my creative wife decided to have some Halloween fun.


After she finished painting herself...

She helped me to release my inner chipmunk.


Happy Halloween

last mom standing

The Free dog has 'hot spots' - she is on antibiotics and a topical treatment.
She has had two accidents in the house so far this week. Please keep in mind she is 80 pounds. An accident can require almost an entire roll of paper towels.

I came down with a stomach virus. I was not even able to stand for an entire day.
I am just starting to eat rice and pudding today.

Ferris was supposed to move into his first off campus apartment yesterday, but he was near death so we dragged him out to a clinic. He has strep. He got some good drugs. Today we are sharing pudding.

And my wily wife - she's fine.
Somebody has to take care of all of us.

whooo weee

Have you ever been so hot that you need to take your jewelry off.
As if it might be cooler to just not have that necklace on your neck.

Don't get me wrong here.
My people are a short, round island people*.
We love the heat.
Bring it.

* This is a common joke of mine. My father was Italian, his mother grew up in Sicily. I tend to favor that side of the family in the short, round shape and fetching olive tone... thus 'my people'.
Oh... and my mother? The W.A.S.P. - she was simply the vessel.

Beni's

Today I am signing up for some health/medical benefits at the ginormous, international company that I work for now. First, before I rant --let me just say that I love the people I work with and the company has been incredibly kind and accommodating.

But ... we are ginormous - and there is this huge HR machine. The company is teaming with HR folk.

In order to sign up my 'legal' wife on my benefits, even tho we have a legal marriage certificate, I still need to have papers notarized and show 'proof' of our relationship.
If I were married to a man I would need to show no proof at all. I would simply jot his name down on the web-form and click Submit.

Fine... fine... I'm gay... ok ok.

So I am making copies today... and I prepared a letter:

Attn: Benefits Team

Please find the enclosed documents:

• a notarized copy of the Domestic Partnership Affidavit
  
• and as proof of partnership I provide:
  
  
  
  • a copy of our valid/notarized Connecticut marriage license
    
  • a copy of our drivers licenses showing our common address
    
  • a real estate tax statement showing both our names on our property
    
  
  

Please note we have owned this home together for 21 years. We are listed as each others primary beneficiary on every account we have, we have joint bank accounts as well as credit cards, and our wills show each other to be the primary recipient. And our children refer to us as their ‘parents’.

Sadly, married same sex couples need to further prove their commitment past a legal marriage document. A document, which by the way, is not required at all when claiming an opposite sex marriage.

Please let me know if you need any other information from me.

Thank you,

The twins and our prodigal son

We had a sleep over this weekend with the SIL and BIL's twin girls. We had so much fun.






I told them some stories from the Grimm brothers. And then a couple of less dark classics. Tho I don't remember all the details of most fairy tales so I embellished a bit. I think my rendition of The Three Bears was a hit.









Then Ferris...who we may now need to refer to as Giacomo - returned from his Italian adventure. The stories on the car ride home were unbelievable. He told me as we walked through the airport parking lot that this was the best decision of his life and may never be topped. He saw Rome, and Florence and Milan and the Alps and the Amalfi coast and Sorrento and Cinque Terre and ... the list goes on... all while enjoying a women to men ratio of about 10 to 1.

As you can see...he'll be going back.*

He brought gifts for all.. including little Firenze soccer jerseys for the girls.

*A traditional legend holds that if visitors throw a coin into the fountain, they are ensured a return to Rome.

This is what happens...

when I give my green-thumbed wife my car.

Weekends in Italy

It seems Ferris is adjusting to dorm life in Italy just fine.
He called us a couple of times... from various locations around the country.

This weekend they took a long train ride north. One of the guys was sick, and got much worse on the train... but they got him to a doctor in Milan who gave him antibiotics and sent them on their way. So of course, they threw the guy on a ferry boat up a lake in the Alps to stay in a hostel for the night.

He called the next day from stands of the Milan vs. Roma soccer game. No clue how he found it... let alone got in.

I have been remiss...

It's a good thing Ferris doesn't read my blog.
Because it might upset him to know that I didn't tell you how he went out to H OO Ters of all places on a Monday(school) night to have a couple beers with his friends.

He bought his beers.
Cuz he is a stand up guy ...who likes to pay his own way.
And he can...
Cuz he's a man now.

Happy 21 baby boy.

Off Spring

Do you have children?

They just melt your hearts ...don't they.

Like when they are toddlers and all damp and clean right from the tub and cuddly.
Or when they are concentrating as hard as they can to do something their very best, and they get that determined look on their little faces.
How about when they come flying at you from across the playground and leap into your arms.

And then there is that phone call from the dorm laundry room
"I just bought some new Tshirts, how do I get them all soft and silky and smelling good like when you wash them?"

See... it never ends.

gone fishin'

Actually, I despise fishing.

No really ...the whole thing.

You would think that I might like the whole lawn chair and the edge of the lake thing - but no.
Let's discuss.
First, I despise bait. Could be worms, could be that fake stuff - no matter. I don't like it.

Next, I have an irrational fear of fish hooks.
I do.
I am certain they will flail about and get hooked into me somehow - most likely in my eye.

Finally - I do not enjoy sitting in the woods. I do not like insects, dirt, animals, and the close proximity of untamed foliage.

Hold back the nature please.

I much prefer having a refreshing cocktail right here on my civilized patio ...which is technically outside... but with easy access to our modern indoor plumbing.

So no, I am not currently fishing.

I am a little distracted tho.
So posting will be sporadic at best.
Is anyone out there?

First time homeowners

I am a little behind in posting this - mostly because we have been so ridiculously busy.

We are so excited and proud for our daughter and her handsome beau on the purchase of their
very
first
home.


couple other shots





So you know where my energetic wife and I will be for the next several weekends.

Big day

I have an important interview this afternoon.

But in even bigger news...
Amanda pooped today!

It's important to keep your priorities in order.

it must be in the water....

There's babies in the air. Yes..that's plural.

We are incredibly excited aunties today.
A little early, and only 3 pounds and change each... please go and meet my perfect little nieces.

Amanda Jane
and
Jillian Ashley

Your children are everyone’s future

Child rearing is more than molding children into tiny versions of ourselves. We need to teach reasoning and decision and selection. Many parents are already very good at this with their toddlers, and it can be as simple as choosing an outfit, or selecting a paint color for their room.
So why is it we fall apart as parents when our children are old enough to vote?

There has been a lot of talking over the last couple weeks around and about the recent elections and their process. And as much as I try not to listen, all this talk has uncovered a family phenomenon that disturbs me.

Parents who try to get their adult kids to vote along their party lines, and even publicly disapprove when they do not.

Parents, please –don’t underestimate and certainly don’t abuse the influence you have on your children – even when they are grown. You must know that by trying to make them acquiesce to your way of thinking only one of two things can happen.
They will bend– thereby losing their own conscience and most likely becoming apathetic.
Or they will rebel – by simply choosing the opposite. Unfortunately that decision will not be made of rational and intelligent reasoning. It’s simply falling back into the psychological play of the persuasive parent and indignant child.

These are people, people. They have their own minds. Right or wrong, with you or against you – they think.
That, my friends, is the greatest gift of being a parent. To have spawned, sheltered and released a person who can think, and be, and is whole.


Allow me to give you an example:

Let’s be in the living room of a typical American home. You see a strapping young man pacing – sick with worry, weak with fear, visible sweat on his brow. He is about to tell his conservative parents he is gay. And he is anticipating their rejection, their anger, and worst - their disapproval.
You feel his pain don’t you?
You’re already mad at his parents for not being accepting and supportive, aren’t you?

Ok.
Now… let’s be in a different living room down the street.
Another strapping young man, feeling the same fears, the same doubts and only really wanting his parent’s acceptance.
But this boy’s parents are liberal lesbians, and he is about to tell them… he is a Republican.

People – could you just let you children grow into their own adulthood. Create a loving and accepting environment where free thinking is encouraged. Where to live under the same roof with someone who doesn’t vote your way is comfortable, even applauded.
Help them to reason their own views. Not to follow yours.

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. But it does fall.

Really?

No... really??

You are 28?
Today?























Happy Birthday TheDaughterTheTherapist

(or as your Mum's would say... Peanut)